After a long day of sitting at the house by myself, along with the rainy, yucky day it was outside, by the time 3 o'clock came, I felt like I couldn't get to the school fast enough to get Trenton. This extension of the school days is killing me! Especially on days like today where I am lonely and sad feeling, and at the house all by myself doing nothing but thinking. So finally, the time had came. It was 2:45. Time to head towards town to get in the ferocious line up of cars that wraps around the building and down the streets into town. For some reason today, it seemed like an even more absurd amount of cars in the line. So after sitting there and waiting patiently as I was moving every bit of 1 foot every 5 minutes, and after finally realizing I should just put the car in neutral so I don't have to sit and hold the clutch in to the point it gives me a charlie horse in my toes, I finally made it to the door where stood my little Trenton Lane.
As soon as I pulled up, he came running to the car and before he could even get the car door opened, I could hear him yelling "Hey Mama! They are selling the new Pokemon Black and White posters in the library! Can we park and go get one?" After convincing him to go ahead and get in the car so I could park, he informed me that he had gotten 2 good notes at school today and did not get study hall. Poor little guy gets study hall nearly every day for daydreaming so for this to be day #2 with no study hall or bad notes, of course I had to let out a big "woohoo!" and a high five to him! And also being this made day #2, I of course fought back through the traffic and waited ever so patiently until I could squeeze our little car into a parking space. When Trenton realized what we were doing, he then let out a big "woohoo!" with excitement. We got out of the car and before I could turn around, Trenton was running across the parking lot wide open and headed straight for the doors. Once I finally mustered up enough pace in my steps to catch up to him without having to break out in a full on jog, we headed straight to the library. When we got to the double glass doors, the lights were turned off. At that moment, I seen the excitement just fall out of Trenton and smack the floor. It was as if someone just crushed his little heart. Naturally, what's a mom to do other than find a way to fix the situation that is upsetting your child? I told him we could stop by the office and see if they would let us pay for one of them in there. At least it gave him some hope for a few more minutes. And after going to the office, and talking to the secretary, the excitement was back in his eye as she was walking us back down the hall towards the library with the keys to the door in her hand. Trenton got his pokemon poster, and to help with an even better ending, come to find out, they were free. :)
When we got back to the car after accomplishing our mission of the pokemon poster, Trenton dug right into his backpack and pulled out one of his pokemon books. Every month Trent brings home a book order from school to where you can order books for extremely low prices. Almost always, I order him some books from it. Plus, it is about the only place that I can find him pokemon books that I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for. The last time I ordered a big kit of pokemon books and didn't realize that they were actually small chapter books. I just went by the reading level and assumed they were the same as all of the others. And even though he was excited to get them just because they were pokemon, he wasn't too thrilled that what few pictures they have in them were in black and white. At the time, I told him that if he ever read a chapter book, he would really enjoy it. And that they were so much more detailed, you didn't need all of the pictures in order for you to visualize what you are reading. He still wouldn't accept it. So when I looked over today and saw that he had his book out without anybody mentioning to him that he needed to do his reading, I was very proud. But when I realized that he in fact was reading one of his chapter books, and was actually already on chapter 7, I was even more proud. He was so into this book that he didn't even want to get out of the car when we pulled into the driveway because he wanted to keep reading. So in order to keep him from losing his page, I grabbed my purse, his backpack, and his poster and he read as he walked into the house. I can proudly say that he never even turned on his tv or asked to play his games or anything until he finished that entire book this afternoon. And I can say even more proudly that he has now started chapter book #2! Ever since he has gotten to where he can read and actually read good, I love to watch him do it. I'm not sure what it is about it, but it just melts my heart to see him sit there and read his books. Just the innocence on his face alone melts me. And I also have always had this thing to where I love to watch Trenton's hands. I am not sure why, but I do. Something about watching him sit there and take his little fingers and turn pages, just does something for me. I don't just do this when he is reading either.. it's anything. Whether he is holding a pencil, eating with his fork, or just talking and using hand gestures while talking, I love to watch his hands. Just one of those things, I guess? :) I remember when he was first born, and after every thing was settled down and I finally got to look him over and stare at every little feature he consisted of, he reminded me so much of Derek. Those were actually the first words out of my mouth when I laid eyes on him. I said "oh my gosh, he looks just like Derek!" And not only did he favor Derek, his little hands were identical to Derek's, and still are.
I've always heard that a child knows when something is going on even if they can't see it happening. And that is something that I have always kept in mind when I have a bad day or something isn't going my way that is making me upset. No matter what, I always try to make sure that Trenton doesn't know anything is wrong. Until today, I have always been convinced that I was perfect at hiding how I truly felt to him. He must have known that I need some love today because he has done nothing but give me all of the love in the world tonight! He has been the absolute sweetest thing you've ever seen tonight! No matter what I have asked him to do, he has went straight to it and done it without me having to even think of asking twice, and without giving me any of his new found 8 yr old attitude that he sometimes wants to try me with. Luckily, he is a good kid and even when he is trying to be grown at the big age of 8, it still is no where near as bad as I see some kids act on a daily basis. For that, I really can't complain too much about it. But when he is sweet, they sure don't get any sweeter! Earlier this evening, he was running through the living room with his bedroom as his next destination, and as he ran through he said "I love you mommy!" I replied back with "I love you too baby" and no sooner than I said that, he looked at me with the biggest smile and said "you weren't expecting that were you? Did I make your heart smile?" After he said that, I literally sat here and thought to myself "you have no idea how big you make my heart smile." From that moment, my night has been one of the best I've had in a while. Who wouldn't be on cloud 9 after hearing your child say something so darn sweet? All of the loving, snuggling, and giggling he has given me tonight, I am now reminded of my reason for being. Without him, I am afraid to think of who and what I would be. He is the reason I am able to wear my heart on my sleeve, and watch my heart beat outside of my body. The reason I am able to love and know what true love is. The reason I understand the true definition of unconditional love. And the reason I strive to be a better person. He alone has helped me so much in the past month by him just existing. I was talking to a friend last week who himself is a new daddy, and I told him " I have one weakness in this world, and that is my son. I also have one strength in this world, and that is my son." He told me that I used the best use of words he had ever heard just then... and after thinking about what he had just said, I told him that it was not a good use of words. Just words spoken straight from my heart. And after I hung up the phone and was thinking about some of the stuff we had talked about, I then brought it to my own attention that everything I say about Trenton, and everything I think about Trenton, and everything I see in Trenton is always straight from my heart. I have never once been able to look at him and not get an overwhelming feeling of love take over my soul. And I have never once been able to talk about him and not get a sparkle in my eye. He truly is the light of my life! One that will never fade, never go dim.
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