It seems as though in the world we have today, there has been one more root of evil added to the list. Facebook. No longer is it the place to reconnect with long lost friends you once roamed the halls of your high school with, and no longer is it innocent. In all reality, it has actually turned into the easiest way to be stalked. The people that supposedly hate you so bad find it more amusing than anything else in life to facebook stalk you it seems. They dislike you so much that they would classify their feelings and emotions towards you as hate, but yet they want to read and dig into your profile as deep as possible in order to satisfy the craving of you they crave so deeply the same as a drug addict with their fix. I personally will never understand this because when I do not like someone, I honestly cant stand the feeling I get when hearing about them or looking at them therefore I have no need to cause this feeling on myself by finding every way I can possibly think of in order to dig into their life and be as nosy as the crazy cat ladies you hear about next door. I am a very forgiving person. Forgiving to a fault at times. I do not like controversy and I do not want any problems when it comes to people. I honestly try to treat people the way I would want to be treated and try to watch what I say and do to them. I guess that is why I find myself going to work and coming home and find myself talking to people less and less these days. Think about it... if you don't interact with too many people then you would think you wouldn't have problems with people. Good thought although it doesn't mean it always works out this way! And while I have always been a very forgiving person, I have never been one that was able to forget. I may never mention it to you again but that does not mean I have forgotten by no means. I forget nothing in life! I actually have come to terms with myself that in order to be able to forgive and forget, I have to do just that. I have to forgive the person for what they did, and I also have to forget them completely. Not just forget what they did to me, which I by no means will probably ever be able to do but forget the person. Having no interactions with the person and being able to forget about them as if they were never in existence in my life is the only way that I will be able to move on from what they have done to me. Is this the right way to be? Probably not. Does it work? Most definitely!! But in order to keep from rambling and in order to stay on task with the point I was getting at let me go back to the facebook idea. So you have problems with someone and they did some pretty hateful harsh things to you on facebook and for the world to view, you block them. You would think this would fix the problem right? Not. When they are blocked, they still find ways to look into your life and have people "spying" for them. And then the day comes to where they get balsy enough to make a whole other profile in order to send you yet another message. A message you care nothing about and a message you will never respond to. A message that was honestly a waste of time, energy and effort on their part. So why be so hateful and non forgiving towards this person when they have sent an apology to you if you are in fact such a forgiving person? I will tell you why. Because this person took being upset to a whole new level. Not only were they mad at me and saying very hurtful and bad things to me, they took it upon themselves to try and humiliate me. It's one thing for them to be at me but to intentionally take the energy and time to try and turn everybody else against me in order to feel as if they are the bigger, better person tells me everything I ever needed to know about this person that I was to naieve and blind to in the past. For them to take very personal things and "publish" it for the world to view and for them and their friends to get a wicked, warped laugh out of was wrong beyong wrong. Wrong to the degree that they in fact taught me the new way of life and the new definition of forgive and forget. Receiving messages from them does nothing but fuel my fire to really forget them. How dare them first of all to think that they could go on facebook and find a way to send me a message with an apology and trying to make it as though it was all their fault when I know in fact that is not the way they believe or think, and think that I am just going to be okay with it and act as if it is all okay. I honestly have found a new hate for facebook. Everything on their is as fake as the color on anna nicole's hair. You either have the people that want to use it as a daily diary to tell about their every move in life, or you have the people that use it as a venting station to let people know how sorry they feel for themselves. There is no longer and normalcy to facebook. When I think about it, it actually reminds me of my image of a chat room and how people are always blonde haired, blue eyed, in shape, and sexy knowing they are Z. absolutely NONE of the above. And ya know, I'm sure someone will read this and relay messages to people and the shit talking and anger will come back to some but I do not care anymore because just as I mentioned up above, while these people sit infuriated with anger and hate, I will not be. Maybe if you didn't nose up in people's lives and try to dig in deeper and deeper, you wouldn't find your thoughts and emotions getting covered in the dirt falling in on your head from the 6ft deep hole you are standing in. Forgetting someone allows you to be free. You have no desire to hear about them, hear from them, and no desire to read into their life. Maybe if they too could find it in them to be this way they wouldnt find themselves sucked into the condition they find their emotions in.
But enough with that! What about my luck?? I have strep throat. Why does it seem as soon as you get a new job everything that can go wrong, goes wrong? It's one thing to call in and at least enjoy your day off, but it is a whole other level to have to call in, get it counted against you, miss the pay, and also be sick and miserable on top of it. Hopefully these antibiotics will kick in soon and I will be back to myself and ready to work. Haha! Ready to work!! Who am I kidding? I hate that job!! lol
The zoo. I haven't been since I was a kid until wednesday and it was just as exciting to me then as it was when i was a kid! Not to mention, seeing Trenton so excited over the animals and watching him take pictures with his new camera naturally put me in the best mood. He was so careful with his camera and was so particular about how he put it in its case! He loves animals and seeing the amazement and fascination on his face was so sweet! He wants to be a veterinarian, zoologist, or marine biologist. You see, he wants to help sick animals, work at a zoo, and also swim with shamu so depending on which he finds to be more important and more of a desire will depend on what he actually becomes but I couldnt be more proud of his goals and ambitions! Especially to be 8 years old and be so adament on what he wants to do for the world!!! At least he has a desire to make a change! :) Sweet, sweet boy!! I really cant begin to describe what this little boy has done and continues to do for my heart and life. I honestly cant imagine what I would do without him in my life. Thinking about it, I dont understand or know how I ever made it without him in my life. I honestly have more respect for that little boy than I have most adults in my life.
Although I have tons more that I would love to talk about, I do believe I am actually going to try to get dressed and pray that it somehow psychs my mind out into making me believe that i feel better! :) Promise there will be more to come because I definitely have to share the arrangatang story from the zoo! :) Ta-Ta for now!!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
too much, yet too little
I know, I know, it's been a while!! And although nearly every single night I have opened up my blog with every intention of writing a new one, I have found myself just sitting here, staring at the blank page, speechless. How is it possible to have so much going on and so much to say, yet nothing to say all at the same time? Weird, I know. But now that I have my fingers flowing and my thinking turned on, the real situation and question at the moment is, where to begin?
I'm thinking there is no better way to start this blog other than just rambling off and starting somewhere. Anywhere. So with that being said, be patient and try to keep up because I have a feeling this one is going to be a rambler along with being very out of chronological order... :)
First, let me start with the job world. It is official. I am back into the working world, officially wearing my big girl panties once again in life. Don't get me wrong, I have loved staying at home and having the chance to be a stay at home mom and house wife, but at the same time, I have also secretly been wishing that I had a job. For one, the guilt of David having to work and work extremely long hours in a shit hole place has put guilt on me. I have felt as if maybe if I were working, he wouldnt have to work so much and for the fact that if I were working, it would give us extra money to do and have more in life. So what did I do? I found me a job! :) Upon starting this job, I had so much excitement and so much pride that I had actually gotten a job and was able to help out towards the family wants and needs but now, the excitement is over. The realization of having to get up and be somewhere every morning has kicked in. Call me lazy.. I really dont care. But anybody that has to do something and has to go to work knows exactly what I am referring to by this comment. Plus being used to having the day to do whatever I want, when I want has spoiled me rotten. Actually, scratch that. I really don't think it is the fact of having to get up and be somewhere every morning that bothers me, I believe it is the fact that I really am not pleased with the job I have. Don't get me wrong, I am forever grateful to have this job but it literally is the most boring job I have ever had in all my life. When I think of work, I think of running around like a chicken with its head cut off and think of actually working. Not just sitting in a chair, typing, and listening to people from around the world tell me about their problems. Sounds easy though right? Exactly. That is just the point that I am making. This job is entirely way too easy. So easy I actually feel as if I lose brain cells sitting in that very uncomfortable chair day in and out. This is the least challenging job I have had in all my life. Yes, the full 27 yrs of it! :) I'm not sure what exactly it is about this job that I dislike the most, but I know that I am keeping my eyes and ears open for other jobs to put in for. Actually, let me give you a little history about this job. I am in the new department which deals with activation, installation, and trouble shooting anti-virus protections. It's actually been said that it is the easiest department... but although easy is good, easy is boring. Plus, it is a new department. New means nobody knows what is going on and the rules change day in and day out. You go in one day and you are told one thing and then you do what you were told all to find out the next day that you are not supposed to be doing things that way. You literally don't know what the rules are going to be depending on the day. I myself can not stand that. I would think before they opened a new department, they would have it actually established a little bit. But hey- I guess that is why I am just a call agent and not a big dog in the building. What do I know right? ;) And of course, it never fails that when you get a job or something new is going on in your life, everything else around you seems to start happening and falling apart. Example... your child gets sick and you get sick. You go months with no problems but as soon as you have to be somewhere and do something, you get sick. Just my luck!! Im dead serious when I say this... if it is going to happen, it will happen to Kacie every time! Always! It's amazing because I have always said that I would love to have a job that I could dress nice for and that you could call an office job. Technically, I got my wish.... I sit there all day long. I type all day long. I talk on the phone all day long. And I get to dress nice every day. And I hate it. I'm not sure what the hate is in me when it comes to this job but I do know that I feel like it doesn't push my mind at all. A 10 year old could work this job with no problem I believe.
Okay, okay... I myself am getting tired of the bickering about the job so I will move on.
Working 9-6 sounds great, and I'm very thankful it is a day shift job and not 2nd shift or even worse, 3rd but getting off at 6 has really put a strain on me getting to spend time with Trenton. It seems like by the time I get home, all we have time for is homework, dinner, baths, and then bedtime. I feel like I haven't had the chance to spend any time with Trenton. And being that tuesday and wednesdays are my only days off, and I work every weekend, that really sucks!! That means Trenton and I don't get any "full" days together. Either he is at school part of the day, or I am at work part of the day which crushes me!! If you know me, or you know Trenton, you know that we are so dependent on each other it is almost scary. We thrive off of each other and need each other more than we need air it seems at times. So where I am getting at with this thought is that last week was my last saturday off until I possibly have the chance of a shift change..... and although it was Trenton's weekend at his dad's house, we were fortunate enough for his dad to say that he could stay with me that Friday night and spend the day with me that Saturday before his dad picked him up that evening. So yes, we took full advantage of our friday night and saturday together!! First, david, trenton and myself played Trent's R2D2 trouble game. Last year when Trenton got his birthday money, he picked this game out himself while telling me that he wanted us to have family game night. Trenton and I had played the game a few times together, but Friday was the first time all 3 of us played the game together. :) We had the best time playing his game! So much fun that David even asked if we all wanted to play the game a few other times through out the week before going to bed :D With every click of the bubble in the middle of the board game with the dice in it, R2 makes one of his little robot noises and Trenton thinks it is hilarious! To see him getting so tickled over the noises the game made, and him being so excited that he was winning and seeming to be the only one with any luck on rolling a 6 and getting another turn, it was precious!! We actually had so much fun playing the game, we couldn't let the fun stop there so Trenton dug out a ridiculous amount of legos and lincoln logs into the living room floor and he and I sat up until 3 am building a pokemon headquarters out of them. Although I was so sleepy I couldnt hardly hold my eyes open, I managed to make it and I couldn't be any happier about letting Trenton stay up so late! He and I were sitting in the floor working on the headquarters and Trenton reached over and put his little hand on my leg and said "this has been the best night ever hasn't it mama?" After asking him why he felt that way, he said "because mama, you have been at work and I haven't got to spend hardly any time with you but tonight it's just about us isn't it mama?" Talk about melting my heart!! I thought it was the sweetest thing to hear him be so appreciative of the time we were getting to spend together that night! Even when it was time for bed, he didn't want to be seperated from me so he grabbed his pillow pets and blankets from his bed, and he and I slept on the couch together. And even though it was 3 am and I was beyond tired, I figured why let the fun stop there? So while I made our bed on the couch, Trenton put in his favorite pokemon DVD in order to watch it together while falling asleep. Needless to say, I don't think either of us made it through the opening song before falling asleep. I believe as soon as Trenton's head hit his favorite pillow pet, he was out! For days after this, all I could think about was our Friday night together. It was perfect!! And apparently, it was the same way for Trenton because he is still talking about how much he enjoyed our night together and how he can't wait until we are able to do it again. And yes, you best believe we will be doing it again!! :) It's times like that I hope Trenton remembers and looks back on as an adult and sees how much I love him and how much he has always meant to me and always will mean to me. Grateful is nowhere near the word I am looking for to describe how I feel for having that little boy in my life.
So here it is a Sunday, and I was supposed to be at work at 9 and it is now 10:00. Yes, I know.. I'm disappointed in myself too. Yesterday I was so sick to my stomach all day nearly and when I woke up this morning, I was feeling the same way after being up and down all night with a stomach ache. So in order to make sure I would be good to go and not be sick to my stomach, I took a half point to stay home for 2 hours and make sure I would make it past whatever stomach issues I am having. Although it's not like I just called in to call in, and not like I just over slept or something and I can't really help what is going on, I am disappointed in the fact that i had to get a half point this morning. But- I guess thats what points, actually "occurrences" are there for right? Just sucks though when you just start a job and already are having to miss. But- I took some meds for my stomach, and so far so good for the time being. Now, lets just hope that it remains this way through out the day!! Nothing worst than feeling like crap, having a stomach ache, and working! Especially when you are on the phone with customers all day long... I mean, think about it. What are you really supposed to do in the middle of talking to a customer and you feel the sudden urge to run to the bathroom? lol Could be a bad situation! But still.. I feel bad missing.
I have a few minutes before heading out to go to work, so I'm going to take advantage of this moment of not doing anything and quit rambling since the rest of my day will consist of staring at a computer screen and listening to other people ramble about their pc problems! :) Wish me luck today and pray that it goes by fast!
I'm thinking there is no better way to start this blog other than just rambling off and starting somewhere. Anywhere. So with that being said, be patient and try to keep up because I have a feeling this one is going to be a rambler along with being very out of chronological order... :)
First, let me start with the job world. It is official. I am back into the working world, officially wearing my big girl panties once again in life. Don't get me wrong, I have loved staying at home and having the chance to be a stay at home mom and house wife, but at the same time, I have also secretly been wishing that I had a job. For one, the guilt of David having to work and work extremely long hours in a shit hole place has put guilt on me. I have felt as if maybe if I were working, he wouldnt have to work so much and for the fact that if I were working, it would give us extra money to do and have more in life. So what did I do? I found me a job! :) Upon starting this job, I had so much excitement and so much pride that I had actually gotten a job and was able to help out towards the family wants and needs but now, the excitement is over. The realization of having to get up and be somewhere every morning has kicked in. Call me lazy.. I really dont care. But anybody that has to do something and has to go to work knows exactly what I am referring to by this comment. Plus being used to having the day to do whatever I want, when I want has spoiled me rotten. Actually, scratch that. I really don't think it is the fact of having to get up and be somewhere every morning that bothers me, I believe it is the fact that I really am not pleased with the job I have. Don't get me wrong, I am forever grateful to have this job but it literally is the most boring job I have ever had in all my life. When I think of work, I think of running around like a chicken with its head cut off and think of actually working. Not just sitting in a chair, typing, and listening to people from around the world tell me about their problems. Sounds easy though right? Exactly. That is just the point that I am making. This job is entirely way too easy. So easy I actually feel as if I lose brain cells sitting in that very uncomfortable chair day in and out. This is the least challenging job I have had in all my life. Yes, the full 27 yrs of it! :) I'm not sure what exactly it is about this job that I dislike the most, but I know that I am keeping my eyes and ears open for other jobs to put in for. Actually, let me give you a little history about this job. I am in the new department which deals with activation, installation, and trouble shooting anti-virus protections. It's actually been said that it is the easiest department... but although easy is good, easy is boring. Plus, it is a new department. New means nobody knows what is going on and the rules change day in and day out. You go in one day and you are told one thing and then you do what you were told all to find out the next day that you are not supposed to be doing things that way. You literally don't know what the rules are going to be depending on the day. I myself can not stand that. I would think before they opened a new department, they would have it actually established a little bit. But hey- I guess that is why I am just a call agent and not a big dog in the building. What do I know right? ;) And of course, it never fails that when you get a job or something new is going on in your life, everything else around you seems to start happening and falling apart. Example... your child gets sick and you get sick. You go months with no problems but as soon as you have to be somewhere and do something, you get sick. Just my luck!! Im dead serious when I say this... if it is going to happen, it will happen to Kacie every time! Always! It's amazing because I have always said that I would love to have a job that I could dress nice for and that you could call an office job. Technically, I got my wish.... I sit there all day long. I type all day long. I talk on the phone all day long. And I get to dress nice every day. And I hate it. I'm not sure what the hate is in me when it comes to this job but I do know that I feel like it doesn't push my mind at all. A 10 year old could work this job with no problem I believe.
Okay, okay... I myself am getting tired of the bickering about the job so I will move on.
Working 9-6 sounds great, and I'm very thankful it is a day shift job and not 2nd shift or even worse, 3rd but getting off at 6 has really put a strain on me getting to spend time with Trenton. It seems like by the time I get home, all we have time for is homework, dinner, baths, and then bedtime. I feel like I haven't had the chance to spend any time with Trenton. And being that tuesday and wednesdays are my only days off, and I work every weekend, that really sucks!! That means Trenton and I don't get any "full" days together. Either he is at school part of the day, or I am at work part of the day which crushes me!! If you know me, or you know Trenton, you know that we are so dependent on each other it is almost scary. We thrive off of each other and need each other more than we need air it seems at times. So where I am getting at with this thought is that last week was my last saturday off until I possibly have the chance of a shift change..... and although it was Trenton's weekend at his dad's house, we were fortunate enough for his dad to say that he could stay with me that Friday night and spend the day with me that Saturday before his dad picked him up that evening. So yes, we took full advantage of our friday night and saturday together!! First, david, trenton and myself played Trent's R2D2 trouble game. Last year when Trenton got his birthday money, he picked this game out himself while telling me that he wanted us to have family game night. Trenton and I had played the game a few times together, but Friday was the first time all 3 of us played the game together. :) We had the best time playing his game! So much fun that David even asked if we all wanted to play the game a few other times through out the week before going to bed :D With every click of the bubble in the middle of the board game with the dice in it, R2 makes one of his little robot noises and Trenton thinks it is hilarious! To see him getting so tickled over the noises the game made, and him being so excited that he was winning and seeming to be the only one with any luck on rolling a 6 and getting another turn, it was precious!! We actually had so much fun playing the game, we couldn't let the fun stop there so Trenton dug out a ridiculous amount of legos and lincoln logs into the living room floor and he and I sat up until 3 am building a pokemon headquarters out of them. Although I was so sleepy I couldnt hardly hold my eyes open, I managed to make it and I couldn't be any happier about letting Trenton stay up so late! He and I were sitting in the floor working on the headquarters and Trenton reached over and put his little hand on my leg and said "this has been the best night ever hasn't it mama?" After asking him why he felt that way, he said "because mama, you have been at work and I haven't got to spend hardly any time with you but tonight it's just about us isn't it mama?" Talk about melting my heart!! I thought it was the sweetest thing to hear him be so appreciative of the time we were getting to spend together that night! Even when it was time for bed, he didn't want to be seperated from me so he grabbed his pillow pets and blankets from his bed, and he and I slept on the couch together. And even though it was 3 am and I was beyond tired, I figured why let the fun stop there? So while I made our bed on the couch, Trenton put in his favorite pokemon DVD in order to watch it together while falling asleep. Needless to say, I don't think either of us made it through the opening song before falling asleep. I believe as soon as Trenton's head hit his favorite pillow pet, he was out! For days after this, all I could think about was our Friday night together. It was perfect!! And apparently, it was the same way for Trenton because he is still talking about how much he enjoyed our night together and how he can't wait until we are able to do it again. And yes, you best believe we will be doing it again!! :) It's times like that I hope Trenton remembers and looks back on as an adult and sees how much I love him and how much he has always meant to me and always will mean to me. Grateful is nowhere near the word I am looking for to describe how I feel for having that little boy in my life.
So here it is a Sunday, and I was supposed to be at work at 9 and it is now 10:00. Yes, I know.. I'm disappointed in myself too. Yesterday I was so sick to my stomach all day nearly and when I woke up this morning, I was feeling the same way after being up and down all night with a stomach ache. So in order to make sure I would be good to go and not be sick to my stomach, I took a half point to stay home for 2 hours and make sure I would make it past whatever stomach issues I am having. Although it's not like I just called in to call in, and not like I just over slept or something and I can't really help what is going on, I am disappointed in the fact that i had to get a half point this morning. But- I guess thats what points, actually "occurrences" are there for right? Just sucks though when you just start a job and already are having to miss. But- I took some meds for my stomach, and so far so good for the time being. Now, lets just hope that it remains this way through out the day!! Nothing worst than feeling like crap, having a stomach ache, and working! Especially when you are on the phone with customers all day long... I mean, think about it. What are you really supposed to do in the middle of talking to a customer and you feel the sudden urge to run to the bathroom? lol Could be a bad situation! But still.. I feel bad missing.
I have a few minutes before heading out to go to work, so I'm going to take advantage of this moment of not doing anything and quit rambling since the rest of my day will consist of staring at a computer screen and listening to other people ramble about their pc problems! :) Wish me luck today and pray that it goes by fast!
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