Last nerve? Hell, I don't have one left!!

Growing up I was never allowed to have friends over very often. When they did get to come, it was a big deal to me. Almost as if it were a special treat. It was not until I was in middle school that I got to have friends over on a regular basis. And believe it or not, as a child I used to rack my brain over this. Especially since my brother got to have friends over all the time it seemed. Little did I realize at the time, my brother is 7 yrs older than me. When I was 7 wanting my friends over, I didn't realize my brother was 14. He was out of the dependent stage, the obnoxious stage. The stage that my son's friends remind me of now. I now realize why friends didn't come over until we were older. I am not sure if it is truly the fact that I am only used to having 1 kid around who in fact most of the time, you wouldn't know is around or what but he has a friend over for a sleepover tonight and I now realize why I myself am pulling the same strings as my mother once did. I know why I have put this off as long as possible for the past month. No, I am not a kid hater... just one of those people that only certain kids do me this way for some reason. One reason is because I always feel out of control towards the other kid. I can't threaten to ground him like I can Trenton and they aren't stupid and know this. And naturally, when he wants to do something, Trenton does it even though he knows better. But I feel like I can't ground Trenton for it, because his friend won't be in trouble. I don't think its very fair for him to get hell the wrath of me because of his friend getting on my nerves.... So, let me entertain you by going into the happenings that have crawled under my skin since 4:00 pm today.....

1.) Beautiful day outside! Gorgeous! Trenton was all up for playing outside and enjoying the day while it lasts, because if you didn't know already, the weatherman is calling for ice and snow starting Wednesday.. AGAIN. So the boys come in and put their things down, Trenton ready to go. Lucas. No. Not having it. It is "cold" to him. Actually he said "freezing". When I told him it was over 50 degrees, his excuse then turned into "I promised my mom I wouldn't go outside". Okay that might have worked if his mother hadn't have just left from taking him to the park. So when I mentioned that, of course he got silent. Well 45 minutes later, they decide to go outside which leads us into happening #2.

2.) Boys decide to get out the toy guns and go play outside. I hear the awfullest noise in Trenton's room so I go in there to check out what is going on. Lucas is in the closet tearing everything apart. Clothes off the rack and all. When I asked what he was doing, he said he was looking for a certain gun. A gun that neither Trenton nor I have any clue that he is talking about. So I bring it to his attention "why are you in the closet looking for this gun when there aren't even any toys in the closet?"... "OH", is his response. Then followed by "well, I don't know where it would be then?"... Umm... how about the toy bin where all of the other ones are? I mean geesh.. then he had the nerve to stand there and tell Trenton to find it. I don't think so buster! If you want to play with it.. you can look yourself. Don't be bossy!

3.) they finally make it outside, without the gun that doesn't exist to begin with, and manage to leave the door open. So in a not mean way, I reminded them not to be running in and out, and not to leave the door open because of Josie. They both said sorry and went on about their playing. Sounds like a good deal right?.. WRONG! Lucas ran in the house every bit of 50 times for the most retarded reasons I have ever seen in my life. Seriously. He came in to tattle that Trenton was peeing outside. Are you serious?! I thought that was just what boys did... Heck, David will pee outside before he will in a toilet. Just something every guy does... well all except for Lucas apparently. And in the mix of this running in and out, I hear them playing. But I hear them entirely too well for them to be outside and me in the house, and at the opposite end of the house. I go to look and low and behowe, the door is wide open. When I mentioned to them that I told them to leave the door shut, which I also knew Lucas was the last one in the house while Trenton was peeing outside, Lucas had the nerve to look straight at me and tell me he didn't hear me say that. Now he has lied. Yeah, yeah it may just be a door and I possibly would have gotten over that much easier had he not lied to my face about it.

4.) Dinner time. I cooked a lasagna, and also got a pizza for the boys. Pizza. something every kid loves right? Wrong again! Lucas informs me he doesn't like lasagna, or pizza. Weird part... he ate 3 pieces of pizza at the school pizza party last week. So what do you do? Normal rule is that you eat what I have cooked, or you will just be hungry. But, I can't necessarily make someone else's child go by this rule because it could be taken as I didn't feed him..... so I start asking what he wants. Apparently this kid eats nothing. No sandwiches, no spaghetti o's, nothing. Finally we came to an agreement... fruit loops.

5.) He is scared of everything, including himself apparently. This kid has walked through the house 4 different times and jumped and screamed at the top of his lungs and said he saw something. Which, He saw nothing. Possibly his own shadow, but other than that, nothing.

6.) I decided to let them have a late snack of milk and teddy grahams. First, Lucas had never heard of Teddy Grahams. WHAT? Who hasn't heard of them? They are the shiznit!!! Well, I fix their milk and cookies and actually let Trenton take it to his room. A while had passed so I went in to tell them to take their milk glasses to the sink if done. Trenton informs me that Lucas spilled his milk. I know accidents happen, no biggie. But the thought of spilled milk in the carpet that was not cleaned up caused my blood to boil. All I could think was that it was going to sour in the carpet and Trenton's room was going to smell like old, stale, clabbered up milk. I asked Lucas why he didn't tell me.. his response, "I didn't know I spilled it?"... ummm ok. I look over, and the glass is standing upright like it is supposed to. So if you spilled milk and didn't know it, wouldn't the glass still be laying on its side? yes.... Then Trenton belted out the famous sentence of the night.. "Lucas you lie! You told me you spilled it and I even stepped in it!" Another lie. I maybe shouldn't have done this, but at the moment, I couldn't resist from doing it. I asked Lucas why he wouldn't tell me that he spilled it? While he just sat there staring at me, i asked him what he does at home when he spills something? He still just sat there. So I continued with my interrogation.. "Do you not tell your mom or grandma when you spill something at home? or do you just leave it in the floor there too?" finally he spoke up and said he cleans if up himself at home without telling anyone. Oh hell no! "So why would you not come ask for a towel to clean it up then if you know you are supposed to clean spills up?" A shrug of the shoulders was all that I received. Now, tomorrow afternoon, Trenton's carpet shall be shampooed.

5.) As I mentioned that this kid is afraid of everything earlier, he was in fact afraid of something that I could not even grasp at the moment. While fixing his and Trenton's milk, I pulled out 2 plastic cups from the cabinet. One was a halloween cup... it's clear and has the layer of water around it that splashes around with little floating bats in it, the other was made the same except christmas and had snowflakes that floated in the water layer. I sat them on the counter to get the milk and Lucas starts screaming "No, those have water in them!" When I explained that they didn't and even showed him, he was still convinced that they did. And then spotted the bats and was bound and determined that they were old and had spiders in them. OH.MY.GOD!!! I literally thought I was going to go crazy trying to pour these 2 glasses of milk.

6.) Apparently he is a runner. A wide open runner. Doesn't matter if he is just coming out of Trenton's bedroom to tell me something, or going to the bathroom. He runs. And while he runs he sounds like an elephant running through the house, and shakes everything in the house. I don't like runners in the house.

7.) We have a tattle-tail on our hands. Big time. He apparently finds it necessary to tattle on Trenton if he hears him breathe funny. And I can hear him the bedroom telling Trenton, If you don't watch me play this game I'm going to tattle on you. Seriously? What the hell?

8.) Demander. He has informed/demanded that Trenton give him things tonight. I overheard this while sitting in the living room and called Trenton out for a talk between the two of us. Trenton told me what all he was wanting, and told me that he didn't want to give it away because he liked it but he didn't want Lucas to get mad. I cleared it up really quick that what is Trenton's is just that and nobody elses. Thankfully the demanding of objects stopped.

Don't judge me by this... because I do realize that I sound like a bitter bitch about this kid. Not normally. Last time he spent the night it wasn't as bad as tonight as been by any means. He stayed the night before Trenton's Birthday and stayed the next day for the birthday party. They were angels the night before but the next day the tattling started at Trenton's birthday party. I admit, by the time the party was over I was a nervous wreck and ready for him to go home and thought that maybe just the stress of so many kids had gotten to me. Tonight has been a different story. I am not sure if it is because he has stayed the night before, so he is more comfortable this time or what it is, but I am ready for tomorrow afternoon to come around so that I can go back to my very peaceful life of having only 1 child around. I am used to Trenton and only him. Any other kid and it's just not the same. I don't understand their personalities as I do my own son... I'm hoping tomorrow will be much better and I will maybe be a little bit more used to having him around by morning. And by all means, I am definitely hoping that some of these "Happenings" happen no more! And I honestly almost feel guilty for feeling this way tonight because he is Trenton's best friend at school... and Trenton has been begging for him to stay. At first I thought it was because they were just so excited to be having a sleepover... I have came to the conclusion that is not what the problem was. What can I say....I am a creature of habit. I am used to sitting at home with David and Trenton without the sound of running through the house, lieing, screaming, and demanding. And I know this isn't just me imagining this, because Trenton has been as good as gold through all of this. Everything I have said, I have not had to repeat twice to him at all. And being that I haven't had to get onto Trenton all night, I know it isn't just me being in a bitchy mood. And I am sure I sound awful admitting to feeling this way tonight.... but if you have a child, I am sure you have encountered something of the sort along these lines that you can refer to! Pray for me that tomorrow is going to be a much calmer mood for me! :)

Perfectly Glued

In between trying to wake a very sleepy little boy up because of staying up too late last night due to yet another no school snow day, and trying to call and check on our little Josie at the vet, of course I took time to sit down and check my email. Whooptee checking your email, ya say? Well, to my surprise I had a message from someone I have never met a day in my life. Someone that actually lives far away from here. After checking it as spam at first, I decided to delete that move and actually read it and see what it was. Someone has came across my blog and loved it! He talked about how good of a writer he thinks I am (I am not so sure of that statement), and how he found it through many other blogs and has been reading it, and looking for updates nearly every day since. And to add the icing on the cake, he said that he has been sending the word out about it to people he knows that like to do as he does and ready blogs! I'm not sure why this has me so excited? It's not as if some celebrity blogger has mentioned me and wants me to start a foundation with him! :) I guess it all goes back to the beginning... the part where I had received some suggestions to start a blog from people that know me. One my husband, the others were friends on facebook. David has told me forever that I needed to start one... that my stories are extremely detailed and people can vision it happening as if they are there. Pretty darn good compliment to me! But as I started my blog, I found myself not posting the link to it. I was afraid of what people would think, how they would judge, and more or less think it is a joke. Kind of like when you read something someone is talking about and you think "I would never in my life talk about that to the world!!!", and of course when you read something that has every word misspelled and used in poor terms and wonder why they never reread what they write? Oh no, do not mistake me for saying I make no mistakes. I am a klutz and one of the worst. I get confused trying to think about what being confused is. I am the first to trip over my feet while inserting my foot into my mouth. Only difference. I know my faults. And as time went on and I did post the link to this little home-fort blog, I got some good feedback which made me not so nervous to announce the next new blog. After posting the link a few times, I received a message on facebook from someone I can't honestly say "I know him". As I read the email he talked about how he had just went to my blog for the first time and got so swept up into them that he ended up reading everyone of my post. And in the mix of reading this and smiling, I got what I considered at the moment one of the best compliments ever. He mentioned that he was "Envious" of my writing skills. Envious??? I am not sure I have ever had anyone be envious of me.... I didn't know how to react to such a statement! I really didn't know how to react to it being I have never considered myself a "good writer". Believe it or not, writing is something that I only did when it came to portfolio time in high school and venting my daily frustrations out in a journal at one time. A journal that I realized over time was something that made me feel worse. I would start writing and get so tore up even thinking about everything and soon my short essay turned into a full on chapter story. I thought that this journal was helping me to relieve anger and tension that was going on in my life, but all it was doing was letting me escape to the reality of it. The reality of feeling helpless in the situations that were pertaining to my life at the time. Instead of shutting the wired notebook and feeling relieved, my mind would feel even more cluttered, chaotic, rambled, and I would have more anger in me than I ever knew possible in my life at the time. Because of these not so therapeutic feelings, I layed the journal to rest in the tin garbage can in the back yard along with a little lighter fluid and the at the time, glorious spark of a match. I have never wrote in a journal since. And wont. And while reading this, you may think the same as me. What is the difference in a journal and this blog? A journal is a more private look into your life. You can tell it your deepest, darkest secrets and as long as you put it up in his rightful home, it will never tell on you a day in your life. You can write the things you think but could never say to someone. Admit to all your guilty pleasures in life that you seem to think are secret to the world, although people that know you usually already know of these. :) But with this blog, I speak my mind and my heart. I more or less just tell stories of my life and adventures that this crazy world we live in leads me towards. It is something that I do not vent my deepest, darkest worries or feelings out in because obviously this is something for other people to read. To me, this blog has turned into the chapters of my life. I plan on continuing it until it no longer becomes a joy for me. Same as I did with the infamous wire-bound journal that endured the ultimate cremation in my backyard. After the ashes to ashes ceremony, I never really thought anything else about it until now. While thinking of it and remembering it at this moment, it's almost amazing to think that all that time and effort, feelings and emotions that went into that notebook are now a small piece of this big world we live in. Somewhere out there absorbed in the soil, are my writings. My life officially became real to the world around me. It now is a part of the plants in the backyard. Odd when you think of it like that! Back to the saying I say often.. "Everything happens for a reason"... maybe that whole mind warp of a time used to write that journal was for a greater purpose. Maybe, just maybe I did that because somewhere out there, someone or something knew that I would end up burning it and the ashes would be poured to the cold depth of the earth below me. And maybe that someone knew that that was what was needed in order for that certain plant to grow there? And maybe it all happened for the reason of putting me where I am today. Free of the mind that once was a highway of 8 lanes with steady bumper to bumper traffic that somehow managed to Vere into only a 2 lane highway, leaving everything turned sideways trying to cut each other off, honking their horns, and causing nothing but a fatal pileup from the traffic that once was able to roam the roads freely in the widespread of the 8 lanes. After great success of the mind road crew clearing out the roads, my traffic now is able to drive at their own pace and leisure without another car in sight. For the not so deep... I no longer hate my mind. :) Instead of worrying myself to death over childish things in life, I now have the ability to turn it off and on as I please. Almost like when you see a car accident about to happen. You know its coming, and its happening faster than you can even interpret, but at the same time you still manage to have time to turn your head in fear of seeing what is really about to happen. I now turn my head and never look back when I don't like something. A trait I longed for over many years. A trait that has finally became embedded into my DNA. It may seem unrealistic to some, and it very well may be unrealistic to their life. I once thought the same.... but oh, how it is possible to possess! A person can only go through so much in life until they either break or become ironman. Some wish to be the ironman where nothing penetrates through the thick steel and punctures any sign of a beating heart inside. I once wished I was the ironman but I never was. I was the one who got broke. Many, many, many times. So many times I wondered if I would ever truly find every little fractured piece. Imagine when you drop something precious and breakable to you. You instantly start picking up the broken pieces trying to fit them back together as a perfect puzzle with no seams. If you're lucky, at times you can do this. Piece it together with glue and never a sign that it was ever scarred or shattered. And then there are times that it all fits back together, but there is that one itty bitty, almost microscopic piece that is never to be found again. No matter how well the rest fits in place, that one piece makes it very obvious that it no longer is perfect. I once considered myself the one that was obviously broken. Although every time I was mishandled and dropped, and I just knew it was the end of me. I somehow was lucky enough to be one of those picked up by someone with a different eye. Someone that liked the imperfections and thought it made it more artistic. After each drop, and even more glue.. I now am glued together with such the strongest bonding adhesive, that I myself have almost become indestructible. No matter how many times I fall and hit the hard ground below, I keep it together. I tell myself "it could be worse", and it always could be. I know this for a fact. My life now compared to what it used to be is a gift sent from an angel. Something I hold preciously. And although the glue may be holding the outside together for the time being, I know at any given moment it could give and nothing but my heart be exposed to the frigid coldness of the world around me. With that in thought, I am thankful for it. Thankful I never turned into the ironman with only blinking eyes to assure the world I was breathing. Thankful that I never had the ability to act as if it didn't hurt. And thankful to know I have been hurt, dropped and broken all for a greater reason. A reason I once never understood and a reason I now know is the reason I am able to feel the warm blood circulating through the perfectly rhythmic beat of my heart. All reasons that have merely just let me know I have a heart. Something I have often wondered if other people I have encountered ever knew existed. Of course they have a beating heart, or they wouldn't be around me. But have they ever really known the greater power of it? Most of the time, by their actions, the answer is no. An answer that disturbs me. How can you possibly go through life and actually "live" life and not know the existence of a true heart? How can one honestly say they love their life but have no heart at the same time? Love comes from the heart. With no heart, there is no love. Just pretending. These are the people I feel sorry for, and that I am scared of. They are the reason I lock my door at night, glance over my shoulder while walking through dark parking lots, and fear for my child. The people who have no conscious, no desire, no passion. The one's who act as if nothing bothers them, yet the world has caved in around them. The Ironman. It's okay to feel and to hurt. It is a normal part of life. Although a part we wish to never endure, but a part. And it's okay to fall because when you get up, next time you know to go around the pothole, or to take the left instead of the right. And by experiencing these loose footings, tumbles, and scratches, you will be able to recognize stable ground when you walk on it. You will be able to know what is truly a crisis in your heart instead of just a horrible case of premenstrual syndrome. Be able to know what a true beating heart feels like. And last but not least, by falling, you always know what it feels like to be at your worst, and it allows you to be thankful when you are actually able to stand and breathe. The hurt and pain all come in an effort to be able to show you how you would really like to feel and be treated which if you are able to still feel and hurt after being broken, and somehow have managed to not mutate into the ironman, you will be able to do the same for the people around you. With that being said, what more could you possibly want? Being able to love, smile, feel the warmth, hurt, cry, and experience life as it was intended for you. To me, it sounds like something no amount of money in the world is able to buy for you. And that, I know for a fact!!

If this was a bit of a rambled non-sense mess to you, by all means scroll down to the next! After sitting up late with Trenton last night, laying side by side, me finishing up the book The Lovely Bones, and Trenton staying up to date on all the stats of his favorite Pokemon characters and him falling asleep while doing so... I found myself laying there just staring at him. Staring at the innocence of his face while sleeping, the perfect curl in his eyelashes, how soft his little lips look, the sound of him shallowly breathing, and watching the flutter of his eyes wondering what he possibly could be dreaming about. And while doing so, I layed there for an endless amount of time just thinking. Reflecting on what was once my life and what is now. And when waking up beside him this morning, I started the same thing over again which lead to this mighty long, hectic blog. Patience please! :)

Puzzle of life completed, minus one lost piece (thankfully)

If you had asked me how my day was about 3 hours ago, you probably would have had an ear full of word vomit pertaining to some not so friendly friends I have managed to occur in my short 26 year span of living. I normally do not use facebook as a place to vent my problems. For one, I get emotionally drained reading some of the things people post about on a daily basis. As I am sure you think the same thing at times when reading similar stories. Ya know, the girl who breaks up with her boyfriend more frequently than she tweezes her eyebrows, the one who always wants to post whatever dramatic event is going on in their life which seems to be a new tale every other hour, the couples who use facebook to get their point across to each other by leaving stats in reference to what a prick or cunt emotional wreck the other may be acting like, and of course the one's who are always talking about their busy lives of shopping and running the roads yet they seem to always be posting and not from a cell phone. Which, I can't say much because I do post regularly myself. But I can give myself credit on one thing, I never go too deep into a post. A.) I feel as if it is nobodies business most of the time. B.)  Nobody probably wants to hear it C.) Some things are better left unsaid and just handled. Although this is how I feel about this most of the time and try to stick to these rules when it comes to posting, I did somehow manage to let myself slide tonight and vent about some things being said about me on the notoriously trashy website TOPIX. Dun dun dunnnnnn! If this speaks of how little I go to that website, I had to be informed that there was something about me on there or else I would have never known. Which, I actually am very grateful that I was informed that way I wasn't left out of the loop and looking even more like an idiot by being oblivious as to what is going on. As I read it, the first thing that went through my mind was "What in the world have I done to make someone start a thread about me on here?"... then as I read on a little more, I was actually relieved that the things that were said  were really not bad at all. I was accused of being nasty... which when I think of nasty, I think of not bathing, or not wearing deodorant. Neither of which I am guilty of as most everyone else in the world is innocent of. Thank goodness! As I read, I have to admit that a few did bring a smile across my face. Who wouldn't smile when someone anonymously says they think you are pretty. When it is anonymous, you can't help but think that maybe it is someone that just knows you are, and not someone that is obligated to say it. And being that I have never been the type to look in the mirror and be able to think "Damn, I look good!", it feels nice to get a compliment. But as I read each post by obvious made up screen names, one in particular stood out to me. It was a name that is a phrase I have heard someone I know very well use many, many times throughout our history of knowing each other. No Big deal right? Well, I thought the same until another post was made by them and for some reason they accused me of posting something (I haven't figured out what they thought I had posted about myself just yet), and referred to me being skin and bones. They said a little more small talk with it in which was another thing they say far too often to go unnoticed when reading. To be honest, when I started realizing without a doubt who the real backstabber person was that thought they were fooling me with this "secret identity", it hurt my feelings. Yes, I said it. My feelings got hurt. Why in the world would they be friends with me but feel this way and say these things about me? Wouldn't it just be easier to not like me than to have to act as if you do and call and smile to my face and then burn my name up on the end of your tongue as soon as you see my back turned?  You know it would be! BUT, what fun would that be? To people like this, it wouldn't be fun. They are so bored and live such a dull life, that they feed off the lives of other people. They call and want to know what is going on with your every move and try to get you to tell them anything going on in your life regarding other people just so they will have something to talk about for a few days after hanging up the phone. If it weren't for your life, they would have no life. And while this does make me mad and hurt my feelings all at the same time, I find myself making it humorous. Is it me trying to just make myself feel better? Possibly  Yes. But I think it is almost comical that someone started it about me to begin with. What in the world kind of life do I have that makes you so interested in me? Here I think I have as down to earth of a life as you can get not doing much other than going to school and coming home, and that is still not good enough for certain people. I don't walk around like I am better than anybody because I don't feel that way towards people, nor do I trot around like I am too hot to handle because I know I am not. And while I try to keep this down to earth motto in my life, and somehow am lucky enough to have a select few who actually compliment me, I am automatically saying it about myself. Even funnier, as bad as I dislike having my name on that website for any purpose at all whether it be good or bad, for someone to think I would post on my own topic and keep pouring the gasoline in the fire, is absurd! I am wanting it to stop... not keep going! But after I started putting the fascinating, perfectly edged matching puzzle pieces together on who the real villain is in this hunt you down and break you game, I did just what they probably wanted, and assumed I had done the whole time. I posted. It was not mean, but to the point. Should I have done that? Probably not. But I by no means am not the type to sit back be walked all over. If I had no clue who it was, I probably never would have posted on it. But to know who it is doing it, and to sit back and let them think they are fooling me, I can not do. I bet you are wondering who it is? Now, if I told you, then wouldn't I be doing the same thing they are doing to me? Yes. Although I may be a lot of things in my life, I am no hypocrite. Without me having to call this person out by name, they know who they are. They will probably act as if they have no clue and of course like they would never do it, but we both know the truth. So for me to call them up and ask them about it would do nothing but waste precious minutes and breaths of my life. I already let them fuel my life for an hour spand earlier today, and after this blog it will no longer go on or happen again. Guarantee! So as of right now, it is over. I am over it.

I got my wish this morning... no school for Barren County! Whoot Whoot! :) I LOVE snow days with my little Trenton! Although while wishing for no school last night, it never dawned on me that I myself would still have class today. But no fear, Trenton Lane packed his mini quicksilver backpack with his Nintendo DS, Ipod Touch, earphones, hersheys kisses, a pop tart, and a few heart shaped valentine's day suckers and off to school he went with me. First let me start by saying that he was absolutely the most perfect acting child you have ever seen in your life today! Not a sound from him the entire class! He was so good that my teachers were bragging on him and told him he was welcome to come back anytime he needed to. Talk about one proud mommy when walking out of my classes today! While in between classes, we road over to sonic for a quick chili cheese tator tot snack and a perfectly chilled coca cola in a cup full of the best crushed ice in town. :)  But all the while Trenton and I were having a perfect start to our day, we still couldn't shake our minds about Josie (our little yorkie). Starting last night, she has been just crying. Crying like I have never heard her do before. Honestly, I have never really heard her cry ever. This morning, the crying was never ending and so loud. She was just whimpering and crying out and kinda shaking all over which definitely told me that something was terribly wrong with her. Having to make the choice on going to class and not being late or taking josie to the vet and missing class at the very beginning of the semester, was not an easy one. I did choose class. But as soon as classes were over, Trenton and I came home and picked Josie up and went straight over to the vet. Day before yesterday she had managed to eat a foam ball to where it was no longer recognized as anything round but more like pieces of foam confetti spread throughout the house. At the time, none of us thought anything else about it. But after hearing her cry like she did this morning, the first thing that came to mind was that she had swallowed some of the foam and it was lodged in her somewhere.

At the vet she was still crying out here and there and after the story of the foam ball, the vet decided to keep her and take some x-rays and said they would call us when they were finished. After going to the dollar tree and racking up on some cute valentine craft essentials, and then over to walmart to find the notorious Arkeus (pokemon) Trenton has been dieing to find, which was a successful mission might I add, we realized we had yet to hear anything from the vet. We waited a little longer to give them plenty of time to do what they needed to do, and after a short time span we decided we couldn't wait any longer. While talking to Josie's Doctor, he suggested that she needed to spend the night so that they could give her an oral laxative to make sure she uses the bathroom and to make sure nothing was lodged in her. He said the x-rays looked fine, but with foam at times it is hard to pick up on in the x-rays, and being that she definitely had something bothering her, he thought it was in her best interest to stay. Of course, I agreed and also agreed to call back at 9 am to find out when to pick her up. After hanging up the phone, you would think someone just told me they were admitting my child into the hospital or something. I instantly became a nervous wreck! Poor little Josie! She has never stayed anywhere like that a day in her life. All I keep thinking is that she probably thinks we just gave her away and that she won't never see us again. Hopefully when I go to get her in the morning, she will assure me that she is not mad and forgive me by giving me a thousand little dog kisses with a tail wag as fast as a propeller on a high speed motor boat.

And in the end of all this rambling and craziness that has taken control over my mind this evening, I can honestly say, it's been a good day. And I am going to make sure that tomorrow is even better. So what if some people are talking about me. God didn't put me here for everyone to like me, or for me to like them either. He does make instances such as this happen so that I can learn and move forward in life and understand why some people were in my life, and why are no longer. Besides, if he didn't give me trials and diversions such as this in life, I really wouldn't be able to recognize how good I actually have it every other day of my life. Whether people like me or not, I am to a point in life that I love myself more than I ever have. For that I am very thankful, and for that, I will no longer let anybody break me!

Salmon. Like the fish

As I have not read a book in many years, David was actually shocked to see me dieing to go to Barnes and Noble to buy the book The Lovely Bones after watching the movie for nearly 2 days straight catching new stuff each and everytime while viewing it. So my wish was granted! A trip to B&N was saught out and accomplished by riding the 30 mile trip home with the book I wanted, a magic kit, and an airplane kit for Trenton.

Today was my first day back in classes and this semester on Mondays and Wednesdays, I have 2 classes instead of the usual one a day like last time. So being I only have a 30 minute time lapse between these classes, I was ever so grateful when I realized I had packed my new book in my bag. Why was I surprised to see it in there you ask? Well, as I mentioned before, it has been years since I actually sat down and read a book. I do like to read very much but if it just isn't my idea of a good book, good luck on getting me to focus and actually remember the words my eyes just skimmed through the movements on. Anyways, back to the point! On break I decided to start reading it to pass some time by until the next class. For the first time in a very, very, very long time, I have not been able to hardly put the book down! It has left me dieing to go to the next chapter after finishing the last! It has actually drawn me in so well that here it is 12:30 almost and I am writing this just to take a break from reading. 12:30 isnt so bad to come people, but when you have managed to get yourself used to being in the bed no later than 10 on most days, this is what you would consider "A late nighter!". Fortunately, as I just typed this last sentence, I have somehow managed to talk myself into just ending this blog right here and going to bed while the book is not in my hand at the current moment. So Ta-Ta for now! :)

Redlines

Shopping. Every Mostly every girl's idea of a good time! Funny how most of the time when we think about getting out and shopping, we always think of it being with our female relatives or girlfriends. Never do we think about our husbands or boyfriends getting out and truly enjoying it with us. Although most of the time you can atleast talk them into going, after a few stores, they usually make it very clear that they have had their "shopping experience" and are quite over the rush of it. My 8yr old son exhibits this same male trait. First he will complain of his feet being tired, then it will follow into "my butt gets tired" when you suggest for him to sit down in a chair while you look around. I know a lot of women get upset at their mates for it, but in all honesty, men can't help it. It's something that is deeply rooted into their DNA and has not and will not evolve over time. With that being said, when David does go shopping with me and is patient and actually acts as if he is enjoying himself, it does nothing except put me on cloud 9!!! I love being able to say that my husband goes and does stuff with me and doesn't ruin it with a bad attitude. I don't get the whole thing some girls do to where they want their boyfriends to go everywhere with them but then complain about how bad of an attitude he has the whole time and how they cant stand it. Seems like you would just suck it up and rather go alone and atleast enjoy yourself somewhat rather than going with someone and being miserable the whole time. But hey, I am not in that situation in life right now so where do I have the right to judge them for that.... right? Even if we are just shopping for something for me in specific, David still manages to stay focused with me. He points out things he likes, things he knows I would like, things he swears would look awesome, and make sure to stand there and have the perfect answer for any complaint I may have about how it looks or fits. Dont get me wrong, if it doesn't look good, he definitely will not lie to me about it! Which I love about him!! I know you've done it... I have, we all have.... you know, when you go shopping with someone and they are trying on something and ask what you think about it. I know there have been times where you have thought it looked god awful on them but you tell them you like it anyway. And as mean as it may be, you still don't speak a word of the true reality obtaining to this ill fitting garment as they swipe their card with a total of $60 + and sign the waver releasing them into the world with a fashionista no-no that you could have prevented 100% if you had just spoke the truth. Wonder why we are all guilty of doing this at some time or another? Is it because we are afraid to hurt our friends feelings so we feel like lieing to them makes it better?  Or is it that you secretly want that friend to look bad for just one day in their life? Or maybe, you really just dont give a darn about what they wear to begin with. But does lieing to them really make it all that better? I mean here we are worried about how they are going to feel for a few minutes in an empty dressing room, yet we don't think about how they are going to feel when people are staring, whispering, laughing, and talking about what they are wearing the day they come out of the house ready to debut this new embarassment, catastrophic, wardrobe. Now, don't get me wrong by any means, I definitely don't need you to point out how jiggly it makes my stomach look, but you telling me that it is not the shirt for me, I will NOT get my feelings hurt at all! :)

So I bet you're wondering where my whole rambling persona of shopping came in? Well, David and I went shopping this weekend and I have to say, I had the best time! It was great trying on new clothes and seeing him in some new clothes. Seeing what each other thinks is attractive on the other, and knowing you are getting somthing that the other finds you to cha-cha for words in! It was great to just walk around without being on a "mission" to get what ya need and get home as quick as possible. It was great to just walk around and browse at our own leisure and not feel rushed or like the other was getting impatient. You know your husband is doing a good deed when he is trying to look at things for himself, yet still manages to hold onto your jacket, purse, and armful of clothes you have already picked out to try on all while you are still managing to dig in the sale piles to see what other good finds lurk in the depth of the cotton mountain. I am a bargain shopper! All about some sales! And speaking of sales... boy did we find some good ones! I myself am not a GAP shopper. Their clothes just do not fit me worth a dang.... so being I never go in there to shop, I tend to forget about their childrens clothes. Which, no longer will I ever forget this because I managed to rack up on a slew of clothes for my little Trenton Lane for an amazing price! Don't get me wrong, I love getting new clothes but there is just something about buying Trenton clothes that I love even more. Boys are most definitely harder to find "cute" clothes for, so when I do, I am a binger! There is a true art in dressing little boys. And I have a true love in my heart to want to make sure he has everything he could ever want or need! I love buying for people to the point that if I have money, I would much rather buy other people gifts than myself. I tend to feel guilty when I spend money on myself, but will spend it on someone else in a heartbeat. So being I had gotten a few items while shopping and was having no such luck on finding anything I liked for Trenton at the moment, guilt was kicking in. Oh no, be assured that the finds in GAP instantly made up for the guilt trip so no returns or exchanges were forced to happen during this shopping adventure! :)

This was such a good weekend! I love when David and I get to spend so much time together and him not be totally wore out from work! Even though he works long hours and is tired every single day, he will still go do whatever I want. But it was nice for him to be able to actually enjoy himself too! He works so hard in order for me to be able to focus on school, and our home life as a family and not have to work in between it all. For once in my life, someone actually cares more about me than they do themselves. I was actually so used to being on the back burner for so long in other people's eyes that I actually have had to get used to the attention David gives me. Talk about a change for the better in life! A change that has made me the happiest girl you could ever meet! I no longer feel the need to be around a group of people all the time in order to convince myself I am not lonely, nor do I feel like I have to be on the go all the time to keep the cracks in my mind and heart filled in order to not feel a void. The only void in my life is when I "avoid" people who are no longer any good to my mind, heart, or life. No, my life may not be the textbook version of perfect to other people, but at this point in time, it couldn't be anymore perfect! A hardworking,loving,charismatic,funny,intelligent,generous,good looking, astounding husband, along with the sweetest, most loving, tender hearted, quick witted, smartest, good looking son, and not to forget a mother and brother who are always here for me no matter what the situation is. Now, are you going to tell me it doesn't get any better than this??? You can try, but at this point in life, I'm like a 17 yr old. Invincible to world around me, and nothing is going to break me! :)

Cloud Cruising

Normally, I don't mind sitting at home. At all. I love waking up and not having to be rushed to get anywhere, with nothing more on the agenda than to eat and breathe. As blunt as this may be, and a  little awkward to some, the feeling of sitting around in a tank and your undies is the most comfortable, free feeling thing you can do through out your day. I do it quite often and enjoy is nowhere near the word of pleasure this gives me. David and I have had a full on movie marathon for a few days now... we've watched it all. Seriously! Frozen, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Jennifer's Body, A Perfect Getaway, Nightmare on Elm St., Avatar, The virgin suicides, Frailty, The Fighter, Dispicable me, Tinkerbell, The Lovely Bones, and a whole bunch more that I can't even begin to remember. Although I have enjoyed all of this laziness along with some snuggle time with Davey and Trenton. I do believe cabin fever has kicked in officially as of today. Of course the day that it kicks in, David is sick and not feeling the best. Kacie and boredom do not mix well at all. We are like orange juice and whiskey. Almost like someone in hell asking for a glass of ice water. Just don't go well together. And when this boredom sometimes takes over my mind and soul, my brain starts clicking. Then a click turns in a grind. And from there the smoke starts to fade away and wheels are turning in full motion going the speed of light. Well, maybe not the speed of light, but atleast Mach 9. You ever heard the song "I am my own worst enemy?".... very true in my case. My own mind will drive me crazier than any other human being known to humanity. Weird thing is, during this thinking, I don't think of things that are happy. Or things that I can do to make a better future for myself or family. I think about things from the past. Ghosts from the past. Things people have done to me, how I managed to let them do this to me, and why I continue to let them do it to me by not being able to forget about it. There is nothing worse than laying down to go to bed and feel as if you are being mind raped by ghosts from the past. They got the best of me at the time so why is it that it keeps going on? Why am I not able to forget about it. I never say anything to them about it. Most I haven't seen since. So why in this world does my mind seem to not let me forget about it? I mean, honestly... if I did so happen come across them in public, I still wouldn't say anything to them. If I did, then that would be something else on my mind everynight when I lay down on top of the million other things that go through my mind. It's a horrible thing to have as a habit. Talk about not getting a good night's sleep most of the time!

I am a very detail oriented person. I remember everything. I may act as if I don't, but trust me I do. I remember what you said, where we were, and what you were wearing. I am a talker. A rambler in most cases. In which this trait alone makes people think you aren't paying attention worth a damn  hoot, but in all reality, that is how I getcha. I see everything and miss nothing. I often wonder if that is why my mind plays tricks on me at night. If I weren't able to remember the face they made when they said it, the look they give when they are lieing, the smile that is the fakest of them all, and the smell of their bad breath, maybe this wouldn't happen to me nearly everynight. If I couldn't remember it, then I wouldn't be able to lay in bed and think about it over and over. I remember stuff that happened as early as age 5 all the way up to now. And every bit of it in detail. Some say details are a good thing... I have come to the realization that maybe the ability to remember detail is a fault. A fault that does come in handy. But a fault that haunts the mind of the beholder.

This could all fall in an ocd category also. That itself would be a topic for another day. I already have enough on mind, let alone thinking I am one of those weird obsessive freaks from the A&E channel.

Maybe, that is why it does not bother me to not hang out with a lot of people now? Maybe I truly have learned my lesson from past experiences. About 2 years ago, I went under a foreign hypnosis that taught me to never let your guard down. Ok, you got me. I lied. It wasn't a foreign hypnosis. It was called a slap in the face formally known as betrayal. Trust nobody. Well, I do trust. Very few. But  it is there. I would love to be able to wipe my mind clean of the things I dislike in my memory. What a wonderful awe it would cause! But at the same time.... you are where you come from. Everybody has a plan in life. Some of us may never realize what our true plan is. But it is definitely there. It may take a few leaps and scraped knees to realize you should have took the marshmallow road instead of the fun rock candy one. And it may take climbing over a mountain to leave the past to drown in the moat surrounding the frigid peak. Maybe, just one day... it might be as if it were a scene from the beloved super mario bros. games. You jump on the cloud and ride it to the end looking down at all the harmful creatures people and death traps just waiting for your curious mind to lead you in. But until pigs fly, I guess all you can do is suck it up. Take it with stride. And appreciate it for what it is. Besides, without all that has happened and is in store to happen in the future (yikes!), we really wouldnt be who we are. Now would we? And I can say one thing... who I am today is the person I used to wish I could be. My life now is what I used to wish it would be. The love around me is what I used to wish to feel. So really, other than some late night terrors with the pillow and mind.... how bad is it? According to the past, it's like riding the cloud to the mansion of a castle at the end. The fireworks, and the hearts above the 2 kissing. :)

A bar hoppin Cinderella Story

The people in my life that know me well know that I always say everything happens for a reason. I may not ever truly know why it happened, but there is a reason behind it. This is something I am a firm believer in, and always keep in mind. It is something that helps me get through things that happen that I do not understand, along with helping me deal with everything else in life. Whether it be understanding the death of someone I love, being upset about plans not working out, or winning the lottery. *yeah right! :)* That was just a good example to add in there! :)

David and I talk a lot. I know everybody talks to their spouses but we talk about everything with each other. As soon as he gets home from work, we talk about how his day went, the things going on at his work, what he thinks and feels about it, what I think, how my day went, what we are going to do, etc.. It's nice to be able to actually talk to him and not fear what he will think or say about it and to be able to be so open with each other. Talking to each other is great compared to talking at each other. With all of my ex's, it was them talking at me. Very discouraging for a relationship. Nothing about mine and David's relationship is discouraging. He lifts me up when I am down, make me smile bigger when I am already full of smiles, and reminds me of how much he loves me daily. He does more for my heart than any other guy I have ever met. Sure you think this is common since we are technically "newlyweds" but that isnt the reasoning behind it all. This is something we have had all along of knowing each other. I've had some serious boyfriends in the past, but now that I look back they were just preparing me for the right one that was about to come along. They just trained me to realize the bullshit in people before I fell for it. :)

Back to the topic of David and I talking all the time, last night we were talking about things happening and at the time you don't realize it was all for a reason. He was saying that if things hadn't have happened the way they did between him and his ex wife then he wouldn't be in Kentucky. If he hadn't have gotten divorced and moved to Ky he would have never known that I existed. Although at the time a divorce is not what he wanted, it obviously happened for a reason. Along with him saying this, I started thinking about the first time we met. I was actually in a bad relationship with someone that did me wrong in more ways than I could ever count or begin to tell you. Who would have ever thought that going out for a girl's night with my friend Tabatha, I would meet the man of my dreams and marry him one day? Tabatha actually picked me up from my at the time boyfriend's house at a last minute choice to go out. First, let me say that I never go out with my high heels! I am a heel wearing kinda girl! But being I had been at his house that night, I had on tore up jeans, a white tube top, and black and white polka dotted flip flops. Something I would have never been caught dead at a bar in. What does it matter what I was wearing you ask? Well, David has a thing for girls 5'0" tall. He is the type that likes very small, petite sized girls. But he also likes a girl with fashion. There have been many times he has brought up the flip flop wearing night, and joking about a little country girl walking in the bar with flip flops on. While talking about this last night, I mentioned to him that it was the first time in my life I had ever wore flip flops to a bar. Unfortunately, that first time was the first time that he had met me. As the conversation went on, he brought it to my attention that there was a greater power over the decision of just going as is with my flip flops and all on. When I asked him what he meant by that, he referred to me saying everything happens for a reason. I myself was having a hard time trying to figure out where he was going with the reason and flip flops together. Then he made it clear... "Yes I am shallow enough that I would have hit on you if you weren't 5'0" and would have still found you attractive, but you wouldn't have been my type if you were any taller. If you had heels on, I would have thought you were taller. Sure I would have bought you drinks, and flirted but thats as far as it would have ever went. And even if I saw you had heels on, it would have never registered in my head that this girl is only 5'0'' without the heels on." So in the end, by me having a fashionista no-no, it lured my future husband in to talk to me. As I mentioned earlier, I had a boyfriend so I by no means was out looking for a new guy. When David spoke to me at first, I actually didn't even look at him. I never raised my head to even look at him, but did say "Hey" with my eyes on the man stamping my hand. After I was stamped, the guy that said "hey" was gone. Not thinking anything else of it, Tabatha and I went on it and headed for our usual spot by the dance floor. We walked up to it and started laughing as usual and absorbing the music. There was a man on the other side of Tabatha that had his back to us and was talking to a friend. When he turned around and looked at me, we made eye contact. I can't really explain what the look was in his eyes, or what really happened, but it was a look into someone's eyes I have never experienced with anyone else in my life. It was if nobody else was around. Just me and him. After what seemed like an eternity of just looking in each other's eyes without saying a word, he turned back around to his friend and said "that is the girl I was telling you about". After that, Tabatha and I went and got a seat and we actually didnt talk to him much after that through out the night. Here and there we would run into each other at the bar and make small talk, but I always cut it short and so did he and went on about our business as if we both weren't very interested. Before the night was over, he asked me for my number. Actually, asked for my phone so he could put his number in it. I lied. Flat out lied. I said my phone was in the car. Knowing it was razor and was in the right side of my back pocket. So with that being said, he handed me his phone and asked me to put my number in it. I did... except for the fact I made one digit wrong. At the time I thought he was a guy, in a bar, what did he really want? Hmm... I think we all know that answer! :) Little did I know, He was going to call my phone right then so I would have his number. BUSTED! "Why is there a guy named Jason on your voicemail?", he asked. Finally, I gave in and grabbed his phone again and played it off as if I accidently hit the wrong key. As I walked away, all I could think about was why worry, he wouldn't call anyway once he sobered up. And technically, that isn't cheating. you see, I am 100% against cheating. I have been cheated on a many of a time, and have always refused to do the sort to anybody else. I honestly think that is one of the worst feelings you can ever feel in your life. Before the night ended, a little more flirtacious remarks were made and it was left at just that. When Tabatha and I got back to the car, all I had on my mind was him. I never in my life thought I would find an older man that attractive. And before the 30 minute ride home was over, I told Tabatha "you wait and see. I will end up marrying this man one day." Keep in mind, I am the girl that always swore up and down I would never get married. I didn't trust men and never would with the mile long record of bad luck I had when it came to dating.

When I woke up the next morning, sure enough there was a missed call on my phone. When I listened to my voicemail, it was him. David had actually called. Reluctant to call him back being I was in a relationship, for some reason the one thing I would never do. I did. I called him back. The entire conversation was like I had known him my whole life. Being he lived in Russellville, and I in Glasgow. The relationship was strictly phone conversations. We talked all day and night at any chance we had. Hours at a time without a pause in the conversation. I told him about the guy I was dating. Everything he did to me, everything he had done to me in the past. I had dated this guy for over a year, and after he had cheated on me numerous times with a girl and acted as if there was nothing wrong with it, I honestly can't tell ya why I stayed with him. I guess the fear of change. I had been dating him for a while, and did love him at one time. The saying "I love you, but am not in love with you" indeed can be true. That is the way I felt about him. He was a very unstable guy. He threatened to kill himself all the time, was an alcoholic, abusive, and every other negative thing you can imagine. David never acted as if he was trying to get me to leave this guy. Nor did he ever ask me to. But over the course of the first week, I started to realize the way David made me feel, something the guy I was dating had never done. Not even when we first got together. Breaking up with him was like a releasing a 2 ton elephant that had been standing on my shoulders. Only problem was that this guy could not get it in his mind that we were broken up. He was the type that it took 16 breakups for him to get it through his head. Yes, he went crazy. Shocked? No I wasn't. He broke into my house, would see David's car at the house and stop by to "see what was going on and to hang out". Does that not explain crazy right there? I mean who truly does that?

Even though I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time, I still had trouble being able to trust David. Ghosts from the past lurked around me and unfortunately it made it hard on David. Our first date, I refused to go alone. I took a friend, and he took a friend and we made it a double date. That night was the night he swept me off my feet. He definitely had his ways about him. His swag if you would say. :) Standing in a 2 hour line at Graham Central Station in Nashville, David asked me if I wished we were inside. I replied with "Well yeah, Who wouldn't?" I turned to look at my friend and amongst turning back, he was gone. "Did he really just run off and leave me? What the hell?" ran through my head. Within a minute he was back grabbing my hand and telling me to come on. Where we were going, I had no clue. We walked up past everybody in line, he handed the bouncer $80. And to the front of the line and in the doors we were. I felt like a celebrity. I have never been important enough to anybody to get to do that. People were looking and asking why we got to go in and making an uproar over it because they too were tired of standing in line. We danced, and laughed and had the times of our lives in there. My friend and his friend hit it off just as good as we had when we first met and everyone was having a blast. A perfect first date, that isn't like your typical first date being I wouldn't go alone. :) People have asked me why I wouldn't go alone.. well, being David is from Atlanta and had only lived in Russellville 2 months before I met him, I felt like I couldn't find anything out about him. I couldn't ask people what kind of guy he was. He was a man with a mysterious past. Something that drew me in but also kept me on guard. For all I knew at the time, he could have been anything or anyone. Luckily, he did prove me wrong. :)

After that first date, it was nothing but excitement when we knew we were going to get to see each other. He would come to Glasgow and stay with me and hang out and have to be at work in Russellville at 6 am. Meaning he had to leave my house at 4 am. Of course when he was there, we were up talking all night leaving him with maybe 2 hours sleep if he was lucky. Although I was and had totally fell for him, I kept thinking that he was too good to be true. What if he was just playing me along? So when his birthday came around, I did something I regret to this day. I stood him up. I wish I hadn't but I did. I had just gotten myself out of a horrible relationship and kept having the fear in my mind that what if I was falling for his act just because things had been so bad on me for so long? I had never had these feelings for someone in my entire life. Nothing so fast. So exciting. It literally had to be too good to be true. I actually didn't talk to him for a few days past his birthday. And during those 3 days, I kept finding myself feeling guilty. Guilty I stood him up. Guilty I wasn't explaining to him what was going on. And guilty thinking that I had just done to him what I was afraid of. I led him on making him think we were meant to be, and whatever else would explain it, and just left him hanging. Just like guys had done to me that made me feel so bad all the time, and the exact thing I was terrified he was going to do to me all along. Needless to say, when I realized this, I picked the phone up and gave him a call. From then on, there were no more fears.

He was living in a house that his cousin owned being that when he came to stay here, it was just to visit family and get away from Atlanta for a while. Nothing permanent. The 2 months he had stayed were already longer than he had ever planned on being here. Then he met me, and stayed because of me. Something he never dreamed he would end up doing when he came here. After a few months of us dating, he cousin sold the house and gave him a week to be out. That in fact is what led David to moving to Glasgow. It was a decision I wasn't sure of at the time. We had only been together for a few months and I had never lived with anyone other than my parents. At the time, Trenton and I lived in an apartment by ourselves. It was definitely a big decision I had to make and make fast. He never asked.... it was just something I thought about and decided to give a try. Besides, if it didn't work out, I wasn't going to be the one with nowhere to go being he was coming to live with me. :) Luckily, it worked out perfect. It was like we had lived together our whole lives. There was nothing awkward about it at all. And we have lived together ever since!

David proved me wrong when it came to all my fears about dating him. He wasn't using me. He wasn't too good to be true. He was everything I had always wanted a man to be like and still is. He tells me how much he loves me, but more importantly he shows me, and I actually believe it. Something no other guy has ever done for me. He has given me more self confidence than I have ever had in my life. Never a word of negativity towards me or anything I do comes from his lips. As corny as it sounds, he completes my life. We are so in tune with each other we complete each other's sentences, say and think the exact same things at the same time, and know when the other is uncomfortable about something no matter where we are or what is going on.

Of course, there are a whole lot of other instances I could mention that would make you realize the irony of us being together, but it would take entirely too long. Indeed, everything happens for a reason. If Tabatha and I hadn't have went out for a girls night with my choice to wear tacky flip flops, I would have met David but that is where it would have started and ended. Just meeting each other. If David hadn't have gotten divorced and found a need to get away from Atlanta for a while and decided to stay as long as he had, we would have never met. As bad as it may sound, if things hadn't have went bad between him and his ex-wife, we would have never known of each other's existence. If I hadn't have been dating a complete retarded, psychotic, alcoholic who had literally beat the crap out of me 2 days before meeting David, I may have still been blind to his ways and never called David back. If I hadn't have found the courage to ask him to move in with me, and he stayed in Russellville, or went back to Atlanta, it may have never worked out between us. Kind of like out of sight, out of mind ya know? And if Tabatha and I hadn't have went to our usual spot beside the bar before finding a seat and if David hadn't have been standing in that exact spot beside us, I would have never realized who said "hey" to me while getting my hand stamped since I never took a look at him when he did. If he hadn't have turned around and made that eye contact from a movie, I may have never fell in love at first sight for the first time in my life. I never believed in it until I met David and had that moment of a stare in his eyes. Had I not had those flip flops on, I wouldn't have been his kinda girl. The height from heels would have thrown him off. And had he not called my fake phone number right in front of me and got me to give him the real one, we may have never talked again. If he had waited until the next day to call, and then had the wrong number, that would have been the end of that. We may have never seen each other again. And had we not talked for hundreds of hours getting to know each other without seeing each other for 3 weeks after meeting, it may not have worked either. By us talking so much and only seeing each other once, we both had forgotten exactly what each other looked like. When we met up for the first time after the night we met, we had to call each other to make sure it was the other when we arrived because we had forgotten what the other looked like so much. By talking on the phone for as long as we did, it allowed us to fall in love with nothing more than each other's soul. It made it based on the personalities instead of looks although I do find him crazy attractive. :) And had I not stood him up on his Birthday, I would have never had the guilt I had those few days. I would have never had the time to miss him and see how much I truly was in love with him. I assumed it was lust at first on both of our parts, but by not talking to him I realized how true the feelings were. So see, my saying is right. Everything happens for a reason. Had all of this not happened, I may have not married the man of my dreams, my best friend, the love of my life, and the one that was meant for me. :)

Pet peeves

Ok, so everyone has pet peeves right? And although you have your #1 and #2 pet peeves that stand out to your more than anything... if you're anything like me, you learn everyday that you have more than you ever realized. Being that most of the time people refer to something they dislike as a pet peeve, and most of the time won't remember that it is considered one of their pet peeves... I myself declare myself guilty of this also.... I decided to keep a list of my pet peeves.  Of course you're welcome to read it... but keep in mind if you do, you are now aware of them so you have no excuses as to when you break them! ;)

1. People smacking their food. Unfortunately this is my #1. Why do I say unfortunately? Well, my mom is a smacker at times, my husband smacks far too often, and I have a friend that is the world's worst at smacking. If you call me and are eating and smacking in my ear, I will hang up on you.

2. back to #1- don't call me while you are eating.

3. Know it alls. They think they do, and they have no clue. Don't get me wrong, if you are actually smart and am telling me something of interest or are making sense, I do not consider you a know it all. But for the people who think they know it all and are always wrong, I dislike the quality in you.

3. Been there and done that. It's ok to share stories. I love sharing stories and I love hearing stories. But I do not like it when someone says they have went and done the same thing but know  nothing about it which leads me to think they never went and done it to begin with along with them then acting as if they know about it better than you but have no clue also. It's okay to admit if you haven't been able to do it yet but would like to, but don't try to be something or someone you are not.

4. People who share too much info. Yes, people share their lives. I do myself. And that is OKAY. But when you start sharing things that are absolutely disgusting that nobody wants to hear or think about you doing. Ever. STOP

5. Liars. Refer back to #3. I cant stand a liar. Lieing to me is one of the biggest things that will turn me on you. And the funny thing is that most true liars will lie to you about things you never asked or insinuated that you would like to know. Nobody cares if you want to say you use colgate in the mornings to brush your teeth but in all truth you are a crest kinda person.

6. A thief. Nobody can trust a thief. I myself definitely dont.

7. People who think they are better than everybody else. What really makes you think you are better than the next? The fact that you are $100,000 in debt so you can drive the newest of cars and live outside of your means? No. This just makes you foolish.

8. Unfit mothers. No mother will ever admit to the fact that she is a bad one. I'm yet to hear of any admit to their fault. But I do believe that it says everything you should know about a woman's character if she is not a good mother. Just because you say you love them, doesn't mean that proves to everyone you do. Also, here is a little hint that apparently didn't get whispered to you by God the minute you got pregnant... Life is no longer about you. It is about your kids. No longer does it matter what you have, it's only about what you are able to give your child. It's okay if you can't buy yourself new clothes because you want to buy your kids new ones. And it is also okay that you no longer get to go and do as you please. I promise the hugs and kisses from the little ones running around the house will make up for any drinking and laughing you would do with a group of friends who more than likely just talk smack about you when you aren't around. :)

9. No life. Refer back to #5. I know everybody in the nation has facebook pretty much. And it is okay to tell people about your life on it as we all do pretty much. But if you live an ordinary life with no excitement, it's okay. You don't have to go on there and make up ridiculous things that are so far fetched in order to make it look like you do. Hint- breathing is living. So next time before saying your 1 week old is walking- just say, I breathed today. :)

10. People who think they are funny and are not.  I love a funny person! I love to be around them, hear them tell stories, and laugh until I cry with them. But I can't stand when someone is saying something that they think is hilarious and it is nowhere near it. And I really can't stand when nobody laughs at it so they keep repeating themselves over and over and over again in order to try to get someone to laugh. I also don't like it when people always say "I'm so funny". You just took the funny out when you say that. Someone who is truly funny doesnt have to think about what to say or do, it just happens natural. And you will never hear of them saying I think I'm funny. The sit and don't respond when you talk about how funny they truly are.

11. 2 faced jokers. I can't stand a backstabber. Everybody talks about everybody. I don't care who you are. You may not do it with everyone but I know you have that one friend that you feel comfortable enough to talk to about anything you think or feel, including talking about someone else. And just because you talk about someone does not mean you are dogging them. There is a big difference. You may talk about things that a person does that bothers you and things they do that you don't agree with but I don't consider this talking bad about people. [Example 1 : Yeah I just can't handle Suzie very much. She's a party girl and I'm just not into it].  [Example 2: I cant stand being around Suzie. She's nothing but a crack whore who smokes and F#&ks everything in town. No way that bitch doesnt have an STD... hey hold on a second thats Suzie calling right now... *waiting for you to click back over*... Hey I swear I had to hang up on her. SHe gets on my nerves so bad. *knowing all along you have Suzie waiting on the other line*.. But Hey, I guess I'm gonna get up off here, I have things to do. *CLICK* Hey Suzie! Whats up girl? What are you getting into tonight? Yeah I was talking to Gretchen. Yeah I know she totally gets on my nerves. I can barely even find the nerve in me to answer the phone when she calls.] NOW... do you see the difference in talking about someone and backstabbing them? Big Difference!!!

12. people who lie on YOU. Refer to #5 and # 11. I can't stand when someone goes around and does things they know is wrong and then when they are talking to people tell the story of what they did and put your name in it to make it look as if they would never do it. They turn their own life story into yours and every bit of it is a lie in order to fool people into thinking they would never on earth do anything of the sort which then gives you a bad reputation for something you have never in your life done. People like this can crawl in a hole and wait until the light of God hits them and nobody would care. Well scratch that, I wouldn't care.

13. People who buy clothes because of the name not the look. Refer back to #7. Just because it has Hollister, Abercrombie or whatever wrote on it does not mean it makes it the best. Some of the best clothes I own have no logo wrote on it. Yes I buy my son Abercrombie but not because of the name, but because of the style. If you have a son, you know clothes of fashion are hard to come across for boys. You can get the same look from non-designer brand clothes. Oh wait. You saw Dolce & Gabbana's newest outfit in a magazine that consisted of some tore up jeans, a white blouse, and gray scarf for only $2,300. But wait- can't you buy a pair of torn jeans for $19.99 (or tear an old pair up yourself as I do), a white blouse for less than $20 and that is over estimating, and a gray scarf for $9.99 and pull off the same look? Yes my dear, you can!

14. Complainers. Don't share with the world everything your spouse does that pisses you off and then the next day talk about how they do so much for you. Getting pissed at them and saying something here and there is one thing, but to do it almost everyday and then talk about how in love you are. You may be in love with them, but your words are speaking louder than your actions. And why complain all the time about everything in your life? Most of the time the people who complain the most are the one's who have no drive to change it, therefore that kicks you out of the sympathy competition.

15. People who dog other's on facebook. Refer back to #7, #9, and #11.

16. Copycats. Be yourself. Nobody cares if your not like everyone else. But they do care if you copy every little thing they do. I really do care. So, don't be a copycat and then claim you are not.

17. Hypocondriacs. Just because you read about Toxic Shock Syndrome on your tampon box does not mean you have it. And just because you diagnose yourself online also does not mean you have it either. Web Md is not more accurate than a real doctor. Well maybe around here at times, but you get what I mean.

18. Immaturity. I know quite a few people who have this trait and it drives me crazy. They are some of the most immature people I know but also claim to be very mature at the same time. Double Standard. ugh!

19. Jealousy. Who wants to feel that way all the time? What good is it doing for you if you are doing nothing to change your life to make it how you want? Exactly! And what makes you think that everywhere you go people are looking at your man when he in fact is by far nothing to look at? Also, when people claim they are not jealous of other girls when in fact they truly are. They think they are fooling everyone by saying they are not, but if you keep assuring me that your not but your actions speak different, then we all know the truth behind it.

20. People fishing for compliments. Can't stand to hear/ read this! If someone wanted to tell you that they think you are pretty, they would. [Example- I am from Virginia.... * a few minutes later after everybody else is on a different topic* Hey, have you ever noticed how everyone from Virginia is ugly?] Get my drift? :)

21. People who think they are hot and are not. Refer to #20. I don't like when someone claims to be hot. And they may very well be, but if you are, people already know it. You don't have to advertise it. And I really don't like when someone is really not hot, but really think they are. In all truth, I have never looked in the mirror and thought "damn I look good!", and I'm not saying there is anything wrong with thinking it. It's just when you come out of the house looking like a new version of a prostitute mixed with the orange of a jersey shore cast, along with enough make up to fix up an entire army ready for war, you obviously have to try very hard to look your best, and honey what I really mean.... it is definitely not your best.

22. People with bad make up. Refer to #21. I am a makeup wearer. I go nowhere with out. But I do not spend over 15 minutes on my make up. Just because you wear more, does not mean it looks better. And the eyeliner just on the bottom, is not the way to go. Also another hint- blend your eyeshadow and your 2 off toned makeup line on the jaw! :)

23. Girls with mustaches. There is no excuse with todays techniques such as waxing, electrolosis, and if you can't afford either. I swear I'd shave the mf'er off before I walked around with one thicker than my husbands.

As of right now, I have pin pointed my top dislikes also known as pet peeves. I'm sure in the next bit of time, I will soon realize a slew more I have to offer for your entertainment. :)

to think I actually liked her...

As I mentioned in my last post, I have a bad habit of forgiving people. And be prepared, fore I am about to vent.

I used to be friends with someone who was much older than me and I really thought the world about her. She had been through some things in her past that were exactly that, the past. I never once degraded her for it, or ever acted any different towards her for it. I loved her personality, and loved being around her. We were nothing but giggles! Our kids had even gotten close and became best buddies. Trenton would spend the night at her house and he absolutely loved going there. We loved it so much that we were there nearly everyday for some reason or another which says a lot, because I never go to people's houses. They always comes to mind. A homebody I am! Well as some things started to fall apart in her life, she started to change. I noticed things about her that she was doing that I didn't agree with, but I stood beside her the whole way never putting her down for what she was doing. Although I seen her changing towards people in her life, I never seen it coming towards me. After a while I started picking up on things here and there, but was in denial because "we were too good of friends for her to be meaning it like that" Boy was I wrong! As even more time went on, I started to see a whole different side of her. The side that was the snake in the grass. And since we are no longer friends now, I have to admit, she is a damn sneaky snake in the grass because not only did I fall for it, everybody else in her life did too. Although she had some problems before I knew her, the blame was always put on her friend as being that problem. And as things fell apart between us because of her choices in life that were anything but good, I have realized that I became the scape goat in this one. I have realized EVERYTHING she did to me the whole time that I was too dumb to see, and what she continues to do to me. When people tell me everything she says about me, the oddest thing is that what she says is nothing but lies about me, but it is all the truth about herself. She has a way of making it seem like she would never be the type to do this or that when in all reality she was the one that was doing it. Don't get me wrong, it is okay to be ashamed of things you have done in the past, although she has made it a habit in her life by repeating the same things over and over, but don't play it off as if you would never do it and lie and blame it on someone else. It really blows me away that the things she says are everything she really did. I'm sure that she tells people that I am just blaming her. It really pisses me off. Pisses me of that I actually trusted her and thought so much of her. Pisses me off that I fell for it. Pisses me off that she continuously lies about me. And is pisses me off that when I see her in public I keep walking and never tell her what I think. I keep telling myself that one time or another it will come back to her. But with her ability to lie her way out of everything, people will only believe her until she shows her true colors to them. And it will take almost 1 year for her to do that. Atleast that is what her track record is with all of her other friends. Well I say friends, which she may have friends, but she is no friend to others.

It may be wrong of me posting all of this on here, but I can't help but resent her for some of the things she has done to me. I can forgive a lot of people for the things they have caused in my life, but she is one I don't see myself being able to forgive. Hopefully one day I will that way I will be able to let all of this go, but the way it looks, it won't be anytime soon. She has defaced my name by lieing on me and turning her true self and stories of her life into the stories of another's life. She is a miserbale soul. She always said it, and she has showed it to me more than once. And while saying that, I can't help but think of why I don't let it go? Being miserable sounds like a good enough punishment for what she has done to the lives of other people. I mean heck, I'm happier than ever. Something she would die to be like! So who really got the better end of the stick??? :)

Me, Myself, and Ire.(err) Kacie

You ever sit and think about things and then sit and think about what is wrong with you for even feeling that way without anything of any significance happening to set you in that mind set?  Sure you do. We are all guilty of it at some time or another! I by all means have a serious problem with doing this. And you wanna know the oddest thing about it? I am the worst person in the world for not being able to hold a grudge. Now, don't get me wrong, holding grudges is not a good thing in my opinion, but there have been times when people have done things to me that indeed called for a grudge to be held, but in the end I just can't do it. I guess it is part of me being a Libra. We are the scales, and we want that scale to be even, no lopsided. And as I am thinking about this, I just realized that maybe I do hold a grudge. Just not to their face. I am the type of person that will take things and take it and take it some more, and when I'm at my wits end you will know it because I will go off like a stick of dynamite lit on both ends. But as soon as I say what I feel is right, and what needs to be said, within minutes of calming down, I instantly start to have a guilt trip. Even though I will be having a guilt trip, I still at the same time will still feel the same about what I said. Am I confusing you? If so, don't worry. Now you know what I'm talking about when it comes to me sitting and thinking and being confused as to why I do it!

Amazingly enough, years ago I used to not care what I said to people. I never would have a guilt trip over it and would just go on in life as if it never happened. Sometimes I waited for the wrong person to say the wrong thing just so I could tell them what I thought. I never cared what anyone thought about me. Didn't phase me one bit! Now, I am the complete opposite. I honestly try my hardest to watch what I say to others, and try to keep the way I feel at times to myself. Just because it is my opinion, that doesn't make it right or okay to say to someone. No, I by far am no saint. When someone does something that blows me away, I am as guilty as the next when it comes to gossiping at times. But aren't we all? :) I have managed to get to a point in my life to where I do care about the people around me more and more everyday. Honestly, as soon as I had Trenton my outlook on people changed. The world was no longer just about me. It was about my son and what was best for him. The drama, the tales, the gossiping, everything was no longer of importance in my life including some people. For the first time, I was able to experience the love of the world in a whole different perspective. I am finally to a point in life to where I am able to handle certain things without letting it drive me crazy. I have come to a realization that it doesn't matter how much I try to avoid certain people who cause certain situations such as "trouble makers", they will always find a way to enter your life unwelcomed and  have no mercy when it comes to tearing your life apart. It amazes me though that people can do the things they do, and say certain things and never once feel guilty for it. I know they don't because they continuously do these things to people. At times, I feel very misunderstood by people because I have a tendency to act as if nothing bothers me. I guess after having so much done to you, you can't help but put a wall up to protect your heart and feelings. But by doing that, I am more often than not mistaken to be a different kind of person than I truly am.

So who am I really? Well, I'm sure a lot of people would answer this according to their perception of me. But I will give you introduce you to the real me. As I mentioned earlier, I am kind hearted to a fault at times. I can't hold grudges, and I feel guilty for taking up for myself always. I love fresh flowers. Gerber Daisies are my absolute favorite. Fall used to be my favorite season, although Summer has officially taken over that race. I am a total goof ball at heart. I love to laugh and be silly and to make other's laugh. My son is my weakness and he is my strength. I love fashion, and love to wear high heels. I used to wonder if the right guy would ever come along, and he did! I wish I had a life with more money at times, although I am a firm believer that money is the root of all evil. There have been times when I have less money than ever, yet those were the happiest moments of my life. I am content with what I have in life right now, and assure myself daily that there will be a point later in life that offers more opportunities and more luxuries. I have a passion for doing hair. Hair color is my expertise. I am a craft person. I love to make anything and everything although I usually make it and then just throw it in a box for the fear of people thinking it's not very good. I act as if I don't care what people think, but I really do. My favorite color used to be purple, but I never thought I would admit to it, but I have fell in love with pink over the past few years. My favorite color to wear as far as clothing, is black and white. Simple yet chic and classy and David's most disliked color! I always feel like I am not in the mood to cook but once I get started, I love it! I usually cook too much! :) I love dancing! It runs in my veins! Best workout around! I am skinny by all means, but at times I do feel fat. I won't go anywhere without my makeup and hair fixed. I am night and day with and without makeup. I deal with people who are a constant neuscience in my life and will have to for a very long time. They entered me in a pissing contest that I want no part of. I love a clean house, but have trouble keeping one all the time. I am a road trip kinda gal all except for the fact that I can't stay awake in a car any longer than 2 hours at a time. I wish and one day will, move to a bigger city far away from Glasgow. I love Atlanta! Would move there in a heartbeat! I have a brother who is 7yrs older than I am. He is one of my best friends. I absolutely hate doing laundry. It never ends! washing and drying isnt the problem, it's folding and putting away that drives me nutso! I often think about deleting my facebook account. Sometimes I feel as if I don't have any friends to vent to and get things off my chest. I'm sure I am wrong. Everytime my child laughing hysterically, I laugh until I cry. I feel naked without jewelry. That's why you will never see me without it. I love a good sale! Nothing like a bargain! I have an obsession with anything sparkly. I fear that I will be one of those old women who wear all of the bedazzled sweatshirts when I get older! :) I am not a good baker. Everything has to be too accurate for it to turn out. If I had the chance to do things over, there are a few I would change. Decorating makes me smile. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. No matter what the problem is, it never gets me down hardly anymore. It's almost as if I am so happy, nothing phases me, and nothing is going to ruin this feeling I have in my heart. I am soft hearted for any kind of animal except worms. Which, are not an animal but you get the point! Worms are my phobia! They will infest you! I don't want anymore kids, but I have to admit, I have a secret jealousy of women with daughters. I want to be able to play with bows, ruffles, and flowers! Yet, it will never happen! Thankfully, some of my friends have girls, that way I can make all the pretty stuff for them and get it out of my system from time to time. I love our yorkie as if she is part of the family. She is family! :) I have a wonderful mother who is always there for me. We fuss at times, but that is only because we are so much alike we bust heads often. I had a blankie when I was younger that I carried around everywhere, and still have to this day. I still have to have a soft blank to cuddle with on the couch regardless of how hot it is in the house. Potato soup is my favorite comfort food. Good thing Trenton LOVES it because we have it often! I can't sing worth a  dime! But I love music. When I got married, I got my first set of expensive sheets with a high thread count. They make my old one's feel like paper towels. Never again will I sleep on anything that isn't atleast 800ct thread sheets! I am a night owl. No matter how tired I may be, I fight my sleep worst than a toddler. I love to sleep in but feel like I waste the day when I do. Doing my hair feels like a chore at times. I have a lot of it! I can't stand jealous people or liars. A thief is on the top dislike list also. People who rub money in other's faces also make me sick. When I look in the mirror, I don't think I look like dog crap, but I don't feel pretty either. I am a person who needs positive reinforcement. If I am doing something good, give me a pat on the back and let me know otherwise I think you never notice what I do, so why do it? I love to talk. Silence makes everything awkward in a room. I trust guys way more than I do girls. I have been through a lot of things in life that have made me who I am today. More things than most people know about. I think some people share too much info on facebook. And I dislike when some people think they are doing something funny, and it is totally not. I never ate candy until I got pregnant and it is all I craved. Now I have a horrible sweet tooth. I am very opinionated. I also observe everything. You may be fooled by me talking all the time thinking I am not paying attention but that is how I fool you. :) I have the worst time finding jeans that fit. Being 5'0" does not make it easy! I have a tendency to feel sorry for people that I don't even know. I love art and pictures. I take entirely too many pics. My camera goes everywhere with me. People often do not pic up on my sarcasm and think I am mean. I am VERY sarcastic. Everything my son says melts my heart. I always try to see the best in people, and I am often fooled by their best. Even after the truth comes out in them, I have a problem with still seeing what I saw in them to begin rather than the truth in them.

Yes, there are a thousand other things about me. But it's hard to describe yourself and not make it 15 pages long, like I have already nearly done. I'm sure in the long run, you will see and learn how I really am. The opinion of another is very misleading. Do as I do and keep in mind, an opinion is just that. Not a fact! :)