You ever sit and think about things and then sit and think about what is wrong with you for even feeling that way without anything of any significance happening to set you in that mind set? Sure you do. We are all guilty of it at some time or another! I by all means have a serious problem with doing this. And you wanna know the oddest thing about it? I am the worst person in the world for not being able to hold a grudge. Now, don't get me wrong, holding grudges is not a good thing in my opinion, but there have been times when people have done things to me that indeed called for a grudge to be held, but in the end I just can't do it. I guess it is part of me being a Libra. We are the scales, and we want that scale to be even, no lopsided. And as I am thinking about this, I just realized that maybe I do hold a grudge. Just not to their face. I am the type of person that will take things and take it and take it some more, and when I'm at my wits end you will know it because I will go off like a stick of dynamite lit on both ends. But as soon as I say what I feel is right, and what needs to be said, within minutes of calming down, I instantly start to have a guilt trip. Even though I will be having a guilt trip, I still at the same time will still feel the same about what I said. Am I confusing you? If so, don't worry. Now you know what I'm talking about when it comes to me sitting and thinking and being confused as to why I do it!
Amazingly enough, years ago I used to not care what I said to people. I never would have a guilt trip over it and would just go on in life as if it never happened. Sometimes I waited for the wrong person to say the wrong thing just so I could tell them what I thought. I never cared what anyone thought about me. Didn't phase me one bit! Now, I am the complete opposite. I honestly try my hardest to watch what I say to others, and try to keep the way I feel at times to myself. Just because it is my opinion, that doesn't make it right or okay to say to someone. No, I by far am no saint. When someone does something that blows me away, I am as guilty as the next when it comes to gossiping at times. But aren't we all? :) I have managed to get to a point in my life to where I do care about the people around me more and more everyday. Honestly, as soon as I had Trenton my outlook on people changed. The world was no longer just about me. It was about my son and what was best for him. The drama, the tales, the gossiping, everything was no longer of importance in my life including some people. For the first time, I was able to experience the love of the world in a whole different perspective. I am finally to a point in life to where I am able to handle certain things without letting it drive me crazy. I have come to a realization that it doesn't matter how much I try to avoid certain people who cause certain situations such as "trouble makers", they will always find a way to enter your life unwelcomed and have no mercy when it comes to tearing your life apart. It amazes me though that people can do the things they do, and say certain things and never once feel guilty for it. I know they don't because they continuously do these things to people. At times, I feel very misunderstood by people because I have a tendency to act as if nothing bothers me. I guess after having so much done to you, you can't help but put a wall up to protect your heart and feelings. But by doing that, I am more often than not mistaken to be a different kind of person than I truly am.
So who am I really? Well, I'm sure a lot of people would answer this according to their perception of me. But I will give you introduce you to the real me. As I mentioned earlier, I am kind hearted to a fault at times. I can't hold grudges, and I feel guilty for taking up for myself always. I love fresh flowers. Gerber Daisies are my absolute favorite. Fall used to be my favorite season, although Summer has officially taken over that race. I am a total goof ball at heart. I love to laugh and be silly and to make other's laugh. My son is my weakness and he is my strength. I love fashion, and love to wear high heels. I used to wonder if the right guy would ever come along, and he did! I wish I had a life with more money at times, although I am a firm believer that money is the root of all evil. There have been times when I have less money than ever, yet those were the happiest moments of my life. I am content with what I have in life right now, and assure myself daily that there will be a point later in life that offers more opportunities and more luxuries. I have a passion for doing hair. Hair color is my expertise. I am a craft person. I love to make anything and everything although I usually make it and then just throw it in a box for the fear of people thinking it's not very good. I act as if I don't care what people think, but I really do. My favorite color used to be purple, but I never thought I would admit to it, but I have fell in love with pink over the past few years. My favorite color to wear as far as clothing, is black and white. Simple yet chic and classy and David's most disliked color! I always feel like I am not in the mood to cook but once I get started, I love it! I usually cook too much! :) I love dancing! It runs in my veins! Best workout around! I am skinny by all means, but at times I do feel fat. I won't go anywhere without my makeup and hair fixed. I am night and day with and without makeup. I deal with people who are a constant neuscience in my life and will have to for a very long time. They entered me in a pissing contest that I want no part of. I love a clean house, but have trouble keeping one all the time. I am a road trip kinda gal all except for the fact that I can't stay awake in a car any longer than 2 hours at a time. I wish and one day will, move to a bigger city far away from Glasgow. I love Atlanta! Would move there in a heartbeat! I have a brother who is 7yrs older than I am. He is one of my best friends. I absolutely hate doing laundry. It never ends! washing and drying isnt the problem, it's folding and putting away that drives me nutso! I often think about deleting my facebook account. Sometimes I feel as if I don't have any friends to vent to and get things off my chest. I'm sure I am wrong. Everytime my child laughing hysterically, I laugh until I cry. I feel naked without jewelry. That's why you will never see me without it. I love a good sale! Nothing like a bargain! I have an obsession with anything sparkly. I fear that I will be one of those old women who wear all of the bedazzled sweatshirts when I get older! :) I am not a good baker. Everything has to be too accurate for it to turn out. If I had the chance to do things over, there are a few I would change. Decorating makes me smile. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. No matter what the problem is, it never gets me down hardly anymore. It's almost as if I am so happy, nothing phases me, and nothing is going to ruin this feeling I have in my heart. I am soft hearted for any kind of animal except worms. Which, are not an animal but you get the point! Worms are my phobia! They will infest you! I don't want anymore kids, but I have to admit, I have a secret jealousy of women with daughters. I want to be able to play with bows, ruffles, and flowers! Yet, it will never happen! Thankfully, some of my friends have girls, that way I can make all the pretty stuff for them and get it out of my system from time to time. I love our yorkie as if she is part of the family. She is family! :) I have a wonderful mother who is always there for me. We fuss at times, but that is only because we are so much alike we bust heads often. I had a blankie when I was younger that I carried around everywhere, and still have to this day. I still have to have a soft blank to cuddle with on the couch regardless of how hot it is in the house. Potato soup is my favorite comfort food. Good thing Trenton LOVES it because we have it often! I can't sing worth a dime! But I love music. When I got married, I got my first set of expensive sheets with a high thread count. They make my old one's feel like paper towels. Never again will I sleep on anything that isn't atleast 800ct thread sheets! I am a night owl. No matter how tired I may be, I fight my sleep worst than a toddler. I love to sleep in but feel like I waste the day when I do. Doing my hair feels like a chore at times. I have a lot of it! I can't stand jealous people or liars. A thief is on the top dislike list also. People who rub money in other's faces also make me sick. When I look in the mirror, I don't think I look like dog crap, but I don't feel pretty either. I am a person who needs positive reinforcement. If I am doing something good, give me a pat on the back and let me know otherwise I think you never notice what I do, so why do it? I love to talk. Silence makes everything awkward in a room. I trust guys way more than I do girls. I have been through a lot of things in life that have made me who I am today. More things than most people know about. I think some people share too much info on facebook. And I dislike when some people think they are doing something funny, and it is totally not. I never ate candy until I got pregnant and it is all I craved. Now I have a horrible sweet tooth. I am very opinionated. I also observe everything. You may be fooled by me talking all the time thinking I am not paying attention but that is how I fool you. :) I have the worst time finding jeans that fit. Being 5'0" does not make it easy! I have a tendency to feel sorry for people that I don't even know. I love art and pictures. I take entirely too many pics. My camera goes everywhere with me. People often do not pic up on my sarcasm and think I am mean. I am VERY sarcastic. Everything my son says melts my heart. I always try to see the best in people, and I am often fooled by their best. Even after the truth comes out in them, I have a problem with still seeing what I saw in them to begin rather than the truth in them.
Yes, there are a thousand other things about me. But it's hard to describe yourself and not make it 15 pages long, like I have already nearly done. I'm sure in the long run, you will see and learn how I really am. The opinion of another is very misleading. Do as I do and keep in mind, an opinion is just that. Not a fact! :)
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