A loud growl

For once in my life I have been able to completely block something out of my mind. Never in my life have I ever been able to do this in the past. Normally, I would analyze every single thing about the problem or situation and I would run it over and over in my head picturing the event over and over, nearly driving myself crazy. That is the one bad thing about having a good memory. Too many details will ruin your mind! And for the record, most believe that I can't remember anything.... wanna know why? Because I pretend like I cant. It's amazing when you play stupid and as if you cant remember something and listen to them tell you the same story they have told numerous times before and listen to the difference in the story every single time. Eventually, they tell the story so different each time, you are able to put all of the different versions together, and end up with the truth without this person even realizing it after they obviously didnt want you to know the truth to begin with. I'm a huge observer too! I pay attention to every blink, every bite of the lip, the pause in your sentence, you name it and I am paying attention to it. Another amazing thing I have about me.... I'm a huge talker. Most think that because I am talking all the time that I am not paying attention to anything but really, that's just my way of getting someone to believe I'm not paying attention, and my way of being able to read the whole room inside and out. And to think they think I am the stupid one! ;) ha!

Anyways- this past year I have been tested in more ways than one. One thing that happened this past year had been happening for a long time but in the past I would just keep my mouth shut and pretend as if things were never said and done. I hate controversy! Absolutely hate it! I end up just blowing up and going off like a stick of dynamite lit on both ends and saying things that I truly do not mean and totally regret about 20 mins after the argument when I have calmed down a bit. For once, I chose not to say anything. At first I started to, but then I came back to myself and realized it would not be worth it in the end and that it would just feed the bear trying to get me. Now tell me, how in the world do you not saying anything keep a fight going? I mean, you havent said anything to stir the stink at all but the bear just keeps running full force trying to steal your basket. Is it that they are the type that likes to have the last word and by you remaining calm and keeping your mouth shut, it doesnt not allow the bear to get its last run on you which makes the bear angrier by the minute, huffing and puffing, trying to figure out how to get that basket from you? And what would make them rally up the team in the forest to gang up on you as if you are a major threat to the readily stampede around you?

So what if you have went to the woods many times and had amazing times while there? What if there have been times that you have seen this bear and things were always amazing watching it romp around and do its things, being its natural self before the bear decides to turn on you? Would you go back into the woods in an effort to find that peace that you once had while sitting in the quiet woods? Or would you never step foot back into the woods being you had a bear after everything you had, including YOU, and managed to rally the moutain lions, wolves, and pirana in the stream waiting to snap at you and eat you apart piece by piece until they tore you apart until there was nothing left?  Naturally, before you could make your mind up about the woods, you would instantly have those images of the fun, peaceful times of being in the woods but then the images of that bear growling, standing broad and as wide as it can, showing its ugly teeth come to your mind. I think there would be no argument that you probably would not choose to walk into the woods with a sense of nothing would happen. You would never fully be able to look straight and not feel as if you had to watch your back every step of the way through those woods. Not being able to trust the environment around you, naturally you would probably find another place in your life to find the peace and happiness that the woods, bear, deer, rabbits, and squirrels once brought you. After finding your new place of serenity and peace, where you are able to sit calmly and watch the new world around you, there would be times to where you remembered those woods and remembered the joy that it once brought you in your life, but why would you go back to those woods while having that little voice inside your head telling you not to, and to turn around? Why would you want to feel as if at any moment something evil could come out of the woods and try to rip you apart once again just for the glory of your basket when you can sit by a waterfall, relaxed, pulling petals off of flowers, and letting the sun shine on you. The woods... the dark, shaded, cold place can no longer harm you while you are in the rays of the sun with the refelection of the crystal blue water surrounding you on your skin.  The memories, whether be good or bad of the woods, will always remain. But when the slight instance comes back to walk through those woods again, you will never feel the same about it again. Eventually the memory of those dark cold woods will start to fade and the sun will start to shine a little brighter at that waterfall. Finally, you have found what it was you were looking for every time you stepped foot in those woods. The glory of your surroundings will start to fade into you, making you who you were looking to be every time you sat staring that bear in its eyes, until the day you were watching it raise hell as if it were rabid, coming at you, wanting to tear you apart, eat you alive, and run off with your basket soul. Finally, it's over. No more worries, No more stress, no more bear.