Locked in, and locked out.

We all know someone who does nothing in life but complains. Or so it seems that way at least. Doesn't matter what they are doing, where they are, who they are with, they have nothing nice to say. They will find the tiniest things in the world to bicker about and if you are anything like me, you don't get it and don't want to get it. And as if hearing these people bitch about every aspect of their life isn't bad enough, you also have the people who want to bitch about everything and then turn around all in the same breath and talk about how lucky and fortunate they are to have their life and brag about how lucky they are to have the people in it. I do not understand this and will never understand this. It actually gets on my nerves so bad at times, I have to watch how I react to these people talking this crap all of the time. Anybody that knows me, knows that I do not want to hurt any body's feelings and I truly want and try to treat people the way I would want to be treated. But at the same time, I am a very opinionated person. Luckily, I am not the type of opinionated person that tells my opinion and the gets mad if the person I am expressing it to does not listen. Yes, I speak my mind freely but No, I do not expect for anybody to take my advice and live by it just because I would. But when I am asked my opinion, I also do not like it when someone gets angry over it. If you do not want to hear what people have to say and what people think, then do not ask someone for it. And although I may speak my opinion, I honestly do not mean any harm in it whatsoever. But I have come to realize over the past little bit that when someone asks for your opinion and then wants to get to upset over it, 9 times out of 10 it is because you hit the nail on the head and they are having a hard time accepting and realizing the truth. And while these 'complainers' are bitching complaining, have you ever realized that while they are complaining about every aspect of their life, they seem to never complain about themselves and what they do wrong. I find it amusing that they can complain about every little thing but they forget to complain about themselves and what they do wrong. It's amazing that they can see no wrong in themselves. Of course this is coming from a person who always sees the worst in herself regardless if anybody else sees it or not so that possibly could be what is so weird about it to me. Oh well, who knows? Or should I say, who cares?

I may have my moments to where I am complaining about certain people in my life, but I can honestly say that I am fortunate to have a husband that I honestly have no complaints about. I have never dreamed of having a relationship that could be so perfect. I know you must be thinking I am full of it and I am sure that you are thinking there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. I get that. I honestly do because I once thought the same thing about relationships. Now, I just realize that I had a horrible habit of attracting the most psychotic assholes you have ever seen. The reason I didn't believe in it is because I had never experienced it. When I say that David and I get along, I mean it. And when I say I mean it, I mean we have literally never had a "fight". I honestly don't know what I would do or how I would react if David were to seriously yell at me. I'd probably be like a small kid traumatized, curled up in a ball, wrapped up in my blanky, crying. Yeah, you get the picture! I am so thankful for the relationship that David and I have with one another. I love being able to talk to David about anything and everything and never once feel as if I am going to be judged or put down for it. I love that I am 100% comfortable sitting at home with my 'boring' life and don't feel the need to run around all of the time in order to be happy. My happiness is within myself. I do not have to chase after it, and that my friends, is the best feeling in the world. David and I talk a lot. So much that at times we don't even turn the tv on due to just talking to each other. Today was one of those days. Grateful that I was off today after a hectic day of work, and trick or treating last night with the cutest Pokemon trainer you've ever seen, and grateful that I was able to spend the day with David. While sitting on the couch beside each other today, some how a conversation come up about someone I once knew. The more we talked, the more David started to bring up some points that I had never stopped to consider or realize. And the more he brought these points up, the more it all started to make sense. It all started due to a person that complains all of the time, complaining. Again. And as David and I were reflecting on what this person complains about, the reality of her all came into play. This person feels the need to be on the road and on the go every chance she has. She feels that she has to visit every person she knows every single day. And although that might not seem like a big deal to some, and it really isn't, if you knew this person and her ways, and could hear how David put it to me today, you too would have a light bulb going off over your head. For a while now, it has been brought to my attention that I never get out to do anything and that I never stop by to see people anymore like I once did a long time ago. And that I hardly talk on the phone or call anyone anymore when I used to always talk to people. For the longest time I have never been able to see what the big deal is that I no longer do these things. Today, David brought up the point that this person is so miserable with herself that she is dependent on having these friends in order to feel happy. She thrives off needing to feel special from someone and when you aren't giving her the attention she needs, she then gets angry. She doesn't just get mad at you like most people would, she gets very aggressive. Aggressive and angry towards you to the point that it is almost as if she is your spouse and has caught you doing something horrendous. It is an anger that comes from the depths of her and hell. If she feels that you are not giving her all of your attention, she feels as if you have betrayed her. I have always thought her idea of a friendship was a little too deep and a little bit more controlling than I have ever pictured one to be and I have never truly understood her way of thinking behind it. Along with David's other comment, he also brought up the point that the reason she gets so caught up in these "friends" she has is because she is not happy at home. She can not find happiness in just sitting at home and spending time with her spouse and that is why she latches onto someone who she thinks makes her life happy and complete and when it doesn't go the way she thinks it should, it makes her crazy in the head. If she were truly happy at home, she wouldn't be on the search for a "best friend" at all times. She would consider her spouse her best friend and would enjoy being at home with him. But instead of longing for that, she longs for the attention and needs through other people. And when she sees these friends have what she secretly longs for deep inside, whether she ever wants to realize it or admit to it, she doesn't know how to take it all in. You would think a friend would be happy to see you be completely satisfied with your life for the first time in your life but no, not her. Instead, she gets angry at the thought of you longing and needing someone else in your life. Of course the conversation between David and I was much much deeper than this and the points were a lot more detailed, but you get the point. I don't know, it just seemed as if every single thing fell into place perfectly. The puzzle had finally been completed after listening to David express his ideas and opinions behind it. It feels great knowing that when I am at home, I do not wonder what the big world outside of my walls is doing. It's an awesome feeling knowing that I am at the side of my best friend at all times. A true best friend. One that truly has my back at tall times, one that always makes an effort to understand where I am coming from, and one that does not and would not do whatever it takes to "get even" with me if he were to get upset at me. See, that is something I do not understand. Even if David were to upset me and hurt me, I still would not want to hurt him. No matter how mad an angry I got, it doesn't change the fact that I love him and I feel as if when you love someone, you never do anything to intentionally hurt them regardless of the situation. I'm not a grudge holder, and I am not someone that is capable of staying mad at someone. Most of the time when someone makes me mad and I have something to say, I say it and then within an hour or so, I am completely over it. I can't stand tension, and I cant stand controversy. I avoid it as much as I possibly can. I don't understand why someone would want to stay mad at someone. I think it is one of the worst feelings in the world, and why in the world would I want to cause that on myself? So being that I am the type to get over something so quickly, I know that if I were to say or do something just out of spite, within a matter of little to no time at all, I would have the biggest guilt trip in the world and I am also the type of person that takes a guilty feeling to an extreme. Even when someone is capable of forgiving me, I have trouble forgiving myself. And honestly, if I were to intentionally do something to hurt David, I'm not sure how I would ever be able to forgive and forget when it comes to myself. Therefore, I choose not to do anything of the sort. I guess this in fact is the reason I will never understand the reasoning behind this person.

Also, what about the people you know that seem to have problems with every person in their life but that too is everybody elses fault and nothing to do with them? I mean, is it not strange that every person they come into contact with has a problems with them but it is every body else and not them? Think about it.... in these situations there is one common denominator. That person. Enough said! :)

One thing that sucks about a blog.... its hard to go into detail when it comes to a deep conversation without it rambling and getting confusing. It's hard to repeat the conversation by typing and it making as much sense as it did when it was being said to you. Right now, I'd give anything to be able to really explain the conversation that David and I had today. I have never heard anything that made as much sense in all my life when it came to someone. Especially after wondering what could possibly be going on in this person's head for so long to make them act the way they do. I have racked my brain for years over this and could never make heads or tails of it and I can honestly say that after spending the day with David today, I have it all figured out. Or should I say, David had it all figured out and just let me in on it! :) One thing David can do... talk. I don't care what it is about, he always has a point of view that you never seem to think of, and one that is always hitting the nail on the head. It's honestly amazing at times! I don't know if it's the way he is able to word it, or what exactly it is, but he has a way when talking about things that always seems to hit home with you. I love his point of views and I love going to him for advice because I know he never lies. No matter how harsh the truth may be, he says it and says it with confidence. And with the confidence he has in him when saying it, you cant help but feel confident about things after listening to him. If you ever get the chance to just sit down and talk to David, you too will know and understand exactly what I mean by this.

Now, onto my newest adventure. Or should I say, mine and Trenton's newest adventure. lol!! So after a long, exhausting, exciting, fun filled night of trick or treating, and after a night of watching Trenton actually eat some of his Halloween candy for what I believe was the first time ever, we all crashed once our sugar highs ran out! Trenton is not a big candy eater at all, hence why he normally doesn't care at all about getting candy while trick or treating. He honestly just enjoys dressing up and walking around in his costume and showing it off while looking and getting excited over other kid's costumes. He's actually really sweet about it!! But then again, I always think he is sweeter than any candy he could get trick or treating! Last night, he was so excited to walk around!! To see him so excited, made me so happy being we had a few little mishaps before trick or treating ever came around, even though it was close. You see, every year I normally order Trenton's costume and being we have always ordered it in the past, he gets the catalog to order from in the mail every year. Each year, it seems as if he gets more and more excited to look through it! :) Even after checking it out and picking out his costume, he will still look at it every single day just studying all of the costumes. I'm not sure as to how, or why but this year, we weren't as early about getting his costume as normal. We actually put it off so long, we didn't get to order his costume. So last Thursday, mom took Trenton to bowling green to pick out a costume. Needless to say, she took him to every store in existence nearly and he could not find the one he liked from the catalog so he was very let down and actually so upset he was saying that he didn't even want to go trick or treating this year. So while on break at work, and getting the chance to talk to him and mom and find out what was going on, and after mom assuring him that she would just go to walmart and pick him a costume out while he was at his dad's this past weekend, I finally talked Trenton into at least picking something that he could settle for and deal with after assuring him that if Nana had to pick it out on her own, he probably wouldn't be happy. So finally, he managed to pick out a star wars costume. Everything settled right? Or so we thought.... Friday afternoon, after getting to his dad's house i received a text from his step mom saying that his costume was entirely too small all to find out that although the package said 7-8, someone had in fact shoved a size 5-6 in the package. After being told that his step mom was going to take him to walmart to pick out another costume, I was hoping that everything was going to work out from there. Ha not... Although he did end up with a different type of star wars costume that he seemed to be "okay" with, even though he didn't even get to pick it out because she had her mother go to walmart and call telling what costumes hey had in his size. No big deal really, but I thought it took away from him getting to choose his costume being he had no idea what it even looked like since he had to just come up with whatever over the phone... but that is besides the point.. So Saturday, David and I went to walmart to pick out the stuff for Trenton's goody bags for his class, and I saw "ash" the Pokemon Trainer he always talks about, in his size. Needless to say, the costume was checked out along with our goody's for the bags! :) And needless to say, He was MORE than excited about the Pokemon character when his Nana gave it to him after school yesterday. So thankfully, he in fact got to go trick or treating as something he was considering going as in the first place. :) :) :) And let me tell you, he was the sweetest thing when I pulled up to get him for trick or treating and he had that costume on with a stuffed little Pokemon in his hand! I have to say, I was very impressed with his idea to carry the little Pokemon so everyone knew exactly what he was! Long story short- trick or treating was a blast! He was more excited than he has ever been about Halloween and he, David, and myself enjoyed ourselves!! Big time!! And of course with trick or treating comes long nights due to late dinners, late baths, and late bedtimes due to everyone being on a sugar binge.

Dreading getting up myself this morning, I rolled out of bed and went to Trenton's room to wake him up. Upon turning the door knob, I was quickly awake when realizing that his door was locked. First of all, I don't think he has EVER locked his door! So naturally, I had a moment to where I was stunned trying to figure out why the door was locked. This was before I realized I couldn't actually get in there! Like me, Trenton is an extremely hard sleeper. So hard that I think a riot could break out in our house and neither he or I would ever even flinch, let alone wake up. So there I stood, beating and banging on his bedroom door as if a state of emergency had been declared, and no response. Frantically I was trying to find one of the little keys to unlock the door, but go figure that when you actually need one for the first time, you cant find it. So not only was I freaking out trying to figure out how to get in my child's room in order to get him to school on time, I then started thinking about what if he had gotten up after I put him in bed to eat a piece of candy and had gotten choked on it or something and that is why I couldn't get him up to get the door. Call me crazy, but I literally was freaking out this morning! I was scared to death! Finally, David heard all of the chaos and got up to see what was going on.... and he too was trying to unlock the door and he too had no luck. Finally, after almost 2 hours of this- we got the door open and there laid Trenton sound asleep. Talk about being relieved. By the time 2 hours had passed, I had made myself sick with these thoughts! Gosh, i cant even describe the feeling I had while that door was locked! Yes, he was going to be extremely late for school... so being he hasn't hardly missed any days this year, I decided to just let him stay home with me for the day. For one, he and I haven't had a day together at all since I started work and he and I have been missing each other terribly. To the point that Trenton has even been asking me to quit my job in order to spend more time with him like we are both used to. :( But although the morning started out scary, chaotic, and random.... our day turned out perfect! He was the best little thing all day long and we had a really good day together. Last night on the way home from trick or treating, Trenton said "this has been the best night ever hasn't it mommy and David?" :) And tonight when putting him to bed, and after assuring him he better not lock the door, He said "this has been the best day and night ever hasn't it mommy?" There is nothing better than hearing your child tell you how happy he is in life and how happy he is spending time with you. I just pray that he and I will remain this way the rest of our lives! And I have a prettttttty good feeling, we will always have this very unique, special bond that we have.

Oh- and for the record, Trenton did not lock the door on purpose! He too had no idea that it was locked! :) But like I always say, leave it to us, and it WILL happen!! Always!!! :)

Welcome to my life! :)